Fear
Saint Creature Sometimes I am filled with fear. Read More
People
September 1
Around September 1 or 2, you feel that autumn has come, when you go to school, university or technical school, it’s already a little cooler – and this is “the same sign” – in the same way, sometimes, you feel that you have become part of a relationship. Without loud statements. Without clear responsibilities. Without obvious limitations. But internally you felt – yes. This is it.
Adult life, like adult relationships, is when you are able to feel the tone of the conversation and change the topic, even when you have never met a person. You just feel that this is not the topic that is comfortable for your partner. Although you have neither eye contact nor hearing. You just see that it is “not comfortable”. And you change it to another. And a lot of things that you are used to in ordinary relationships. That is, the level of understanding. Other people’s comfort zones. Talking about all sorts of little things that everyone sees in their own way. This can be called “you haven’t seen each other yet – but you are already talking like a married couple”. And a meeting is just a signature on a conditional document that everything that was said before – will be true and will be so in the future.
In two weeks of online communication, I went through “all the stages” that are typical of classic relationships. Difficult moments, misunderstandings – all of that. It was there. But there was also a person who listened. And this once again shows that you can talk about anything with someone who wants to hear you. And this automatically means that everyone who was “before” didn’t want to hear you. This is the answer to the question, “what was wrong with me at one time or another?”. There’s nothing wrong with you – it was wrong with the person you came across.
I never finished writing the article about dating apps, but now it would have turned out in a direction that a couple of weeks ago I would have considered fantastic. With one caveat. This was the first experience of the platforms for both of us.
Let’s move on, the journey is interesting and incredible…
Relationship formula
Is there a formula for relationships that any two people can follow to live happily ever after?
I think there is both. There are many factors that come into play that you can’t always control.
Trying to understand how everything works, in general, I came to the conclusion that nothing is a guarantee that you and someone, having previous similarities, will continue the path in the future. Because relationships are not only about similarities. It is about the ability to accept someone else’s otherness, without trying to replace it, substituting what you need.
A common (painful) experience that you went through separately does not mean that knowing “where it hurts” you will be able to go through it together, knowing the pain points. Because everyone has their own. And it may seem to you that you know “how it is?” But two negative experiences will never give a positive one. You should not cling to what was in the past. But you have every chance to cling to what you will create together in the future.
And, above all, don’t make a fool of yourself. The fact that you have already “seen how relationships are built and know where to cut” does not mean that you will not “cut” important parts of each other. Ask yourself – where are the relationships that you know how to build. Will the desire to repeat the previous experience be the first thing? You cannot know at what point everything went wrong. But, in a certain sense, by doing “everything wrong” as before – you have a chance not to stumble upon the same relationship rut that ended in a Dead End.
Calmly. Quietly…secretly, I would say…get to know each other. It is better to live a day in a year than to burn several years (of a relationship) in a day. Imagine that a person is a minefield. But unusual. Something that resembles an Advent calendar. Under each lid you will not find candy. But there will be parts of the heart, soul, universe of a person, through which you can gradually understand why you love this person.
It’s incredible to come to the conclusion that it’s “okay” for you to study a person drop by drop. Even more incredible when you find out that this is not just your first experience with these “apps.” And it’s fabulous when you’re HEARD!
..if you can change one thing..
At such moments I feel like I need someone’s advice, but there is no one. I think it’s a fear of making your own decisions. Of the moment when you are asked “..and what will you do next?..”. Read More
EXP Date
Why are we always looking for signs?..why do the numbers on the packaging decide more than we do?.. Read More
Threads is the blogging Tinder for the poor
I returned to Threads after deleting my account. It’s like starting from scratch. And what can I say? On average, 2 out of 3 comments are about toxicity. One person wrote what was asked for, one wrote something stupid that was deleted immediately (and with a swear word). Another one… advertised her services under the guise of an answer. A classic for this social network. Why did I return there? I don’t understand it specifically at this point.
We all do stupid things sometimes, don’t we?
You’re gonna go far, kid..
“There’s something in your way
And now someone is gonna pay
And if you can’t get what you want
Well, it’s all because of me”(c) The Offspring Read More
It’s interesting that…
Under the guise of accepting you as you are, people often subconsciously try to change you. Change you to suit themselves. They tell you “yes, that’s good. I accept you, but…” – and these little “buts” are not noticeable. They don’t sound like literal “buts”. They just resemble some kind of training. When your reality and your perception of yourself and what is “ok” and “not ok” are replaced with what is convenient for them. Inside you think that they accept you as you are. In fact, they are just imperceptibly turning you into something. Something that you were not yesterday.
Sometimes it feels like adult women are the most manipulative people who are tired of “looking for the one as is”, and… they just mold you or someone else into something that will best meet their requirements. If the mold doesn’t work out, they throw it away and go look for the next one. The experience with a psychologist is exactly how it is perceived now. It’s just that, again, the further you move away from the experience, the clearer it becomes what it was.
Can an adult woman accept you for who you are? There are two options. If she is a “simple” person (it’s not those who write that they are “simple”, it’s those who will tell you that 2 2=5) – she doesn’t care what you are like. If she clearly knows that 2 2=3 – they will make something out of you. Again, there is a stupid idea that some people go “to psychology” precisely for this. Not to understand themselves. Not to help others. To manipulate those in relation to whom it is convenient. To learn to “read” people on whom… you simply won’t waste your time. It’s like playing games with cheat codes.
Someone will say that he went into psychology to protect himself from manipulators, but… he doesn’t notice how he becomes one himself. Because he knows the specifics of the work of such people. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why I try to stay away from people who have chosen this direction as a job. Understanding that you will be an eternal patient. A free experimental subject who is always there…
I have had the experience of being in a psychiatric hospital and I know what it is like – a feeling of helplessness, when nothing depends on your “want”. This is the most terrible feeling I have ever encountered. And it only seems that this is shown only in films. And when you are faced with this clearly – there is nothing more terrible…
Is a relationship with a psychologist about something similar? Is it hard to get out of it? Is it easy to let go of it?…I wouldn’t like to know…because, maybe, it’s for the best, that they perceived me as “weak” for them.
Social cruise control
Although I don’t own a car, in any vehicle there is a term called “cruising speed.” That is, it is the most useful speed at which you have the lowest fuel consumption. What if we use this in relation to our interactions with other people? Read More
Wong Kar Wai
I had a person who ended up at the beginning of the year. I had a lot of people, but I don’t single them all out. I singled her out.
Because she had a wonderful work. She was one of those people who inspires me. Who gave me not new music, but a new favorite director – Wong Kar-wai. We only reconnected with her once. And I didn’t see the point in doing it a second time, or a third time. Why?
Because she didn’t understand me.
I have different creativity. At one moment it’s me:
In the second moment it’s me:
In the third moment, it’s me too:
It’s amazing how much you can be on the same wavelength with a person in one plane, and in another she writes to you, as if about some third person, “I don’t understand why you need to brag about this. Showing it to people… I have nothing against it when a person does it for themselves, but why for show”. Two out of two times our communication ended precisely at this moment – the understanding that a person will never accept you completely. She perceives you not even 1/3 (the first), but simply as someone who can give her love and warmth, but in relation to whom she cannot simply give her acceptance, that people are “..and such”.
I may be different, I look different, but I always remain myself. I am me. The one you talked to yesterday, the one who helped you with your chores yesterday, repaired your equipment, shared poems, cleaned your chimney, showed you an incredible sunset. Being different, I remain myself. In different guises. Maria Tchaikovsky came to mind.
“ I will be with you,
You can take my hands,
Always with you
No matter in what guise.”
The person left behind a list of wonderful films, including the works of the wonderful Hong Kong director Wong Kar-wai. I recommend watching his “In the Mood for Love”. And he also left behind the understanding that a person can be “okay” with free relationships, threesomes, same-sex love, and other similar experiments. You accept all this because you love a person for who they are. You accept any of their sides and worldview, except violence (they didn’t have this in them, but this is something that you can’t accept in others in relation to anyone). And they don’t give you the opportunity to be yourself.
Adult life is not always about mutual understanding between two people aged +-40.