Although the last move happened almost three years ago, internally I have separated a slightly different period, which began (or, rather, ended) with my military service. That is why I called it Zero. I have already mentioned it once before, so I will not return.
The key feature of this period was zeroing. Actually, maybe that is why I thought of calling it that. And as I myself notice, first of all it concerns relationships with people.
Previously, my perception was that if you stop communicating with someone, this is the final part of your story. And neither you nor other people should ever appear in your life again. But in the last few years this has changed. I have thought about the fact that our choice about whether to communicate with someone is divided into two things. The first of them is the reason why we communicate with someone and why we end our communication – that is, why we become attached to or detach ourselves from a person. The second is how critical certain moments in communication are for us, the person’s traits, and what we can put up with and what we cannot.
That is, if some stressful situation arises – communication ends. A period of rethinking begins. We decide how much this situation affected us. What exactly affected us. What was the trigger. If it turns out that the trigger is not a coincidence, but a character trait – we become more principled and do not return to communication, because at our age, character traits do not change. Except in some, very rare cases (such as war), when certain things in us simply cannot help but change. If the trigger is some situational story – we begin to think about how much a problem really was, or is it simply that at certain moments we are more vulnerable, and our nervous system falsely turns on the fuse. Because over time, each of us already has a lot of fuses in our heads, which we call life experience. That is why people are drawn to each other. They try to be close to “the same”, but when differences occur – protection is triggered. Protection of one’s own boundaries, protection of inner comfort. Protection of family. Everyone always has something of their own.
Sometimes I still remain critical. The story about the next job will be exactly the case when criticality comes first. Because it is a story about not accepting you for who you are. Otherwise…
The relationships of people who are “over 30” resemble a minefield. Or rather, an attempt to cross it with your eyes closed. Only by understanding the location of the mines can you stay alive. Only by finding a way to another among them will you be able to interact with him. That is, it should be recognized that with age our communication with other people becomes much more difficult. And although it seems to us that we have not changed – the experience does not go anywhere. And it is both in us and in the other person. The only question is how you plan to perceive this experience. And what each of you really needs.
Saint Creature 
