I’ll paint myself white, my eyes will turn blue…
Saint Creature “I’ll dye my hair white, my eyes will turn blue,
I’ll sing beneath your window every single night.
I’ll study every book you read,
So I’ll know exactly what you might ask.
No one knows..
How will it end, or in general. At least I will calm down with all these “searches”. Because how much time has passed, right?..
And, in general, no specifics. Just communication. Just a path. God knows where it will lead us. In her, a young girl and an adult have wonderfully united. Is adulthood the absence of sad experiences? Well..probably…is there a difference?..
I didn’t want to let her go. There is something about her…I wrote in the threads that I always knew how my person felt – it’s funny that she liked this post…because she knows that it’s about her?..Smart girls know more than we would like…
I don’t want to rush anywhere. And I don’t have to. But I know how to make a person happy. All that’s left is to pay off my debts and get back into business. There are things she would like to learn from me. There are things I want to teach her. I don’t want to show that I’m safe. I want to be safe. She’s the one this world needs to be protected from. And I wanted to protect her from this world.
Exhale..
If we’re not talking about creativity, but about a separate composition from the concert, then… I probably caught the main hyperfix of that concert on “Breath.” Read More
Mirror, mirror on the wall, Show me truth or none at all..
“Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Show me truth or none at all
Break the glass and walk away,
I’m done with everything.” Read More
Painful orgasm
Well. I caught myself thinking that the creativity that arises in me through people has its own term. “Pain orgasm”. It doesn’t look much like dopamine. But it’s probably “joy from pain”. This is when you create something because of internal pain, but at the same time you feel a pleasant relief after creating the work. But it’s not about eliminating the root cause of the pain with work, but, as it were, its visualization.
All that’s left is to learn to control it. Not like it was with Kas…
Let this work be a background, like a memory…
The muses were destined for steel flowers, the muses were destined for sad songs…
Well… Stadium, right, stadium? Going to a concert.. Read More
Valuable
How valuable is it to be able to tell a young person that…you don’t care where she’s from. Because first of all, you know she’s from somewhere in the West, and secondly…you really, sincerely, aren’t interested. You don’t want to consider her as a partner, not as someone you’d want to meet in person someday (although you’d be interested in talking to her) – no way. Why?
Because it is at this moment that you choose yourself. You make a choice about yourself and your needs and desires. Your vision of the future. They don’t decide whether you will meet or not and why, you do. These are important steps away from devaluing yourself as a person.
And it played in my head again…
“Even if you don’t sleep every night,
Even if you paint my eyes,
Even if you walk around the world,
I won’t come to you”
OCD
What’s up. In the list of “self-diagnosed” the winner of the evening is OCD. Well, let’s be objective. It’s more pleasant and easier for me to accept that my obsessive thoughts are due to OCD than that my “schizotypal disorder” (the conclusion of the VLK, according to which they were written off) is not exactly about schizotypal, but something more “deep”. And it’s scary. Is it good? No. But, symptomatically, I’ve also had OCD since childhood.
Does this understanding make it easier for me? It does. I’m learning to live with myself as I am. And the further I go, the more important it is that not someone else can live with me, but me.
I’m comfortable with the people around me. Because I feel comfortable with them. Thank you…
Age
It is interesting that at the age of 16-18, if you take a boy and a girl, girls develop intellectually faster. Roughly speaking, a girl at this age is interested in older boys.
I’m sitting in my 36. I don’t care what girls 25-35 are interested in. At the same time, normal interlocutors for me are people 45+. Here you can have some laughs. And more serious conversations. Mutual support. This is even though interests are often different.
I don’t understand why it works this way, and I don’t want to try to understand.
Cabbage
As a child, I perceived cauliflower as something…alien, strange. And I didn’t eat it. Not at all. Because who eats aliens?..
Later I started eating it, but the pieces were extremely fried. They were almost like crackers. And only much later did I start eating it.
I wonder if I was the only one who perceived her that way? 😅