I hurt much more than anytime before
I had no options left again
‘Cause inside, I realize that I’m the one confused
I don’t know why I instigate and say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way, I’ll never be alright
So I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit tonight..
The most interesting thing is that if I tried right now, no one would even guess. Simply because no one would have thought that it could happen so easily.
With the house, I lost the opportunity to create works. It was one of the options for therapy. Another was communication, but without creativity, communication is worthless. And, to be honest, I would generally like to block everyone and be left alone. It’s interesting how the inspiration from communicating with Kas disappears the moment you realize that you simply have nothing to share with a person. That your condition is so lousy when you can’t write something to Daria. That for Kuzya my disappearance will become just “…another one”, although not without guessing where.
The main problem is that all the pillars on which my stability was supported were destroyed at the same time. The destruction of one becomes the cause of another. And this leads to pain, which simply points the way…
A week ago I thought I had found the “golden mean” of stability. A week has passed, I’m…where I am. In my darkness. Which is not like creativity – you can’t pour it out anywhere. I’m just looking for a sign. Confirmation that this is the only way. It doesn’t take much…
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