..if you can change one thing..

At such moments I feel like I need someone’s advice, but there is no one. I think it’s a fear of making your own decisions. Of the moment when you are asked “..and what will you do next?..”.

I realized that in my previous relationship, alcohol was clearly unnecessary, because after it all sorts of quarrels and other things happened. It would be great if it wasn’t there in the new relationship. Tai… could it be there?.. I remembered DH…

“My choice is made in favor, my choice is made here,
Where it is cold and slippery, but there is a cross on the body.
And there is so little air, but I want to breathe,
Licking the wounds,
Everything will start again
And God has a mother’s soul…”

On the one hand, I stopped feeling safe. Realizing that it’s getting more and more dangerous here, especially now. When there are three of us in one house. You feel a certain responsibility for others…especially with the number of arrivals in the city today. In the morning, I still have to deal with the consequences, because someone arrived for my work…on the other hand..

I believe her. She’s like my Harley Quinn from that song…weird…wild. But you feel like you own the person. Not in the sense of ownership. In the sense of some…I don’t know. I believe in the “tomorrow” she talks about. Her tomorrow is more real than mine. At the same time, she also, cautiously, bypasses the things I treat with caution. As if feeling, reading what I think about the same things.

How often have I wanted to hug a person and hide them from this whole world?…from the reality we live in?…and, even more so, from the one they live in?…

I would like to keep this feeling for a person. Maybe that’s why this is the first time I don’t want to rush anywhere. I just want to freeze in the moment. To stay in every moment that is happening.

Sometimes we become for a person the ray to which they reach. A reason to become better. A reason to pull themselves together. Time will tell what will happen next…