Story about Old Masturbating Grandfather (OMG)
Saint Creature Where does confidentiality end and history begin? I think it’s somewhere here. Because there won’t be any names or information. Just one story.
People
Not interested
She dropped the voicemail, but I’m not interested in what it was about. I just deleted it and that’s it. Read More
Fun Fiction
Once, in a conversation with her about her feelings after moving, she quoted the movie “Green Book”. In general, the term “Green Book” itself is about a guide for black people, which lists safe places where they could stay for the night. And, in fact, the quote from the movie sounded like “I’m not black enough for blacks and not white enough for whites”. And today I somehow tried it on myself. Apparently, I’m not straight enough for straight, but also not enough…anyone else for someone? Apparently. I don’t use “them/they” in everyday life, not in general. I don’t want to get hung up on something like that. Sometimes I think about what it’s like to be with someone of the same sex, but the problem is that in our country, men are not about sexuality, but about dirt, sloppiness, an unpleasant smell. That is, you can’t somehow visualize this character, if only because you simply don’t have any source from which to draw.
When I put, for example, people I know – the picture comes out too stupid, to be honest. Because I don’t like these people. They don’t evoke anything in me. In my life, there have probably only been a few people who would evoke something. But usually they are very distant.
I don’t want to speculate about anything. As life goes on, so it will be. I guess I’m just too picky. I guess these are strange considerations from a married man. But I perceive it all differently. It’s like a fan fiction for some story.
Personal Je
I thought about it. I haven’t written letters for about 25 years. It was the first in so many years. Paper. Read More
Diptych “Void”
Sometimes certain things in my head come together into a composition that is mostly understandable only to me.
Silent
In a broad sense, I just want silence now. No people, no conversations, no outside world. Only my inner self is sooooooooo limited socially. I don’t want new people. I don’t want to let anyone in at all. Because I don’t see the point in that. I’m a complete person and right now what I have in myself is enough for me to just move on with my life and do my thing. I don’t need people for that. At all.
The Law of Equivalent Exchange
I would like to apply “The Law of Equivalent Exchange” to relationships between people. It is easy to use in this area, because in order to fully replace a person, you should not just switch to another or find another communication – this person should evoke in you the same emotions that the previous one evokes, and what you get from him should also be no less than what you received from the previous one. Under any other circumstances, this is just a “colouring of colours”, which mixes feelings, but does not give the same result.
Is it destructive to trust another person? Yes, more than! Because the more we trust someone, the more sadness will come to us from the understanding that the person did not share this trust. And in general, most people should not be trusted too much, because… they still remain people.
I think that any individual relationship is unique in itself. Because it is a certain chemistry. And this chemistry cannot be transferred to any other plane. The similarity of names, habits, musical tastes of two people does not give us a similar experience from communicating with them. Therefore, it is impossible to replace someone with someone. And what is the result? The result is a hole that remains in us from meeting a new person. Over time, this hole has a chance to heal a little, but the experience from interaction remains with us forever. Like a scar from a bullet that hit us. Only the bullet remains in us physically, and people remain in our thoughts.
A significant part of me says that I do not need communication with anyone right now, no matter how much I internally feel that I need it. And, in the end, I would prefer to be alone than to trust someone again, to have this state that I have now again.
I remembered one song, and I think it’s about her now…
“There’s a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Although we won’t ever meet, I’ll remember your name
Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don’t think I can
So fuck you anyway”
Drop by drop
Once I was acquainted with a girl from whom I received a “signature”. She cost me a laptop. We agreed that when she received the laptop – she would send me money. But she never sent it to me. I trusted her very much, and… this trust cost money. But that’s not the point. She had a signature under a nickname. The phrase. “When all the rats ran away – the ship stopped sinking”. I remembered it for two reasons. The first of them – because it corresponded to what she did. The second – because it is a really “working” phrase.
When something changes a lot in our lives – it is not always about the minus. I was disappointed that I would no longer have an interlocutor, and I began to look at the work of other people. With this person, I did not pay attention to others, because one person is enough for me. Is there much space in my heart? I always said that “… there will be enough for one more person”. In fact, there is even a little more of it now. And I was joined by different people whose creativity I appreciated. They leave comments under my works. They like what I create. They talk to me. And instead of one person who inspires me, I got more. And each of them is very valuable to me. Not because they like what I do – but because I really like their creativity.
Thank you to everyone who surrounds me these days – you make my world better, and I will try to make yours too!
This is probably a strange post on the third day after the “breakup”, but it is true. I am healed by work and the people around me. Thank you!
Not difficult
It’s not hard to find someone you can give love and warmth to. Encourage. Be a light. And they can shine in return. It’s much harder to find someone who will be fascinated by you. Well. It may be hard for a while, but that doesn’t mean I’ll sit around and be sad. I’ll just find someone else to support.
Sa and The Bisexuals
I could name my rock band that, but it’s not about my musical career.
The other day I asked a question in several places that had been on my mind. I thought “oh! I guess I’ll find the answer in this!”. My question was answered only in the Reddit community. Maybe it’s for the better.
The question was of the following order:
“Question for bisexual men. How do you identify internally?
I mean in general and in relation to sex with another man. That is, during sex, do you feel like a woman, a man, or is sex for the sake of sex and gender is completely absent here? Or, on the contrary, does everything come from the division of the person into a male and female part, each of which needs its own experience?”
I got three answers to it:
Comment
byu/Saint_Creatyre from discussion
inbisexual
Comment
byu/Saint_Creatyre from discussion
inbisexual
Comment
byu/Saint_Creatyre from discussion
inbisexual
And these answers told me “oh my god! Sa! You are unique!”. Just kidding. But this brought me back to where it all started. That is, you cannot attribute yourself to any particular group. Well…except that you can attribute yourself to non-binary individuals, without a clear definition of who you are, who you are interested in and in general.
The essence of the question was that in my opinion bisexual individuals (gender is not important here, but in the male version the question sounds more interesting) enter into same-sex sexual relationships, including playing the role of the opposite sex. But sex is just sex, and everyone answered that they do not change their role in this case. Well…let’s explore ourselves and the world around us further… 🙂