This world wasn’t made for me
Saint Creature In a strange way, each of the five songs on the album resonates with me at one point or another. Read More
Personal
Intimate Diary
This post is about why a man fucked himself, how he did it, and with what. So be careful if you dare to read it. Read More
You think you can kill me…
…Go ahead and try
Burn me to ashes
Throw me to the masses
Fight me till the day I die…
Happy Birthday Aaron
This work is dedicated to my friend, who celebrates his birthday today. The idea came to me the other day when I saw somewhere an alphabet in the form of body poses. I found a version in which one person was enough and…oh.
There is such a saying “whoever… – does not laugh in the circus”. So – whoever made the letter “D” – does not laugh in the circus! 😀
My pluses are a thin physique. My minuses are that you can’t get away from physiology anywhere, and I’m not my nephew who knows how to do the splits. You immediately understand why people do yoga and what you missed when you didn’t start doing it))
The second part of the work was more experimental. This time I set the camera to manual mode, but the feeling that the white balance or something else was still jumping, changing the lighting a little. Plus, I didn’t take into account the height of the heels a little. Plus, with the “head” it’s not really clear where the frame demarcation line is. Well… I started making this collage when the lights went out. So… I decided to go against fate and not wash or shave before the photo shoot. That’s why I have a light stubble in the photo (although it’s not really visible). I think you understand that this was dedicated to a person, so here I allowed myself to be a little lazy and just do it!
But I couldn’t just take it and do it. I became curious – could I do all this while standing on high heels? The height of the heels is 15 centimetres. I still haven’t learned how to balance on them. So it was funny and strange and fun at the same time.
I made most of the letters right away, without even noticing how. But the problems arose when I had to make “B”, “D”, “O” and “N”. The last one, by the way, was the easiest and completed the name nicely. B was pretty easy, but I wasn’t sure it would turn out well. O made me question it. But D…she came out of hell and went there. So I did what I could)))
P.s. Another peculiarity was that in New Zealand, where Aaron is from, the day starts much earlier than here. So if I hadn’t done it now, I wouldn’t have had time to congratulate him on time. But I did and…I’m going to bed… 🙂
P.p.s the full image can be seen on Deviantart
Too many places
I have too many places to be on – two “big” blogs that I have to write articles for. Two small blogs, one of which I’m currently writing this entry for. Deviant for photos and creativity. Rarely Flickr for photos. 500px for photos and stocks. Rarely YouTube for videos. Posts are automatically duplicated on Bluesky and Tumblr. That’s not even counting participation in competitions on Pulse. And Patreon. But it’s free, so I only do it occasionally 🙂
There’s also Threads, where reposts are made (when it works). I hardly do Instagram, and I’ve deleted most of my friends on Facebook. Now I still occasionally post something on Reddit. For reach, not least, plus nice acquaintances.
I’d like to close a couple of places (two blogs, at least), but I feel like it’s not the right time again. So for now, it’ll be like that. I feel comfortable that I can put something of my own in every place. Every place has its own spirit. That’s probably why it seems to me that there is no urgent need for people right now – I have myself, who has to be everywhere. That’s enough for now. And the “bar” for people has probably been raised for a certain time. I don’t want to be with everyone at once. I guess I want to find “that one person” with whom I can talk about things, share my creativity, and mutually support each other. Although…now there is such a person, and he lives in New Zealand. All that’s left is to find time to respond to him among all these sites and social networks… 🙂
Not the one
I am not the kind of person who received a “blessing from God” and became someone outstanding or simply found my way. I was not lucky in life like some people who had a chance. And I am not sure that there would be at least one person in this world who would sincerely want to help me. Because I am always insufficient for something or someone. I am always not the one to whom a helping hand will be extended. And I hoped in vain and hope that there will be the same person who would help me now in my situation. Because in life you can only hope for yourself. But do you know what is really sad?
People always hope for me and turn to me. And I help them. Without any reason or anything else. I do not take money from almost everyone I help. Where I can, I also help with money or by buying some things myself. And it saddens me that I always give more than I receive. But such is the world. This world doesn’t need me, no matter what. And I’m alive not because of something, but in spite of it.
I’ll have to get out of this country and this situation on my own. Well. But after that I won’t want to help anyone with anything, because I won’t see the point in it. And I’ll always answer – I didn’t get out of there thanks to your help, so don’t count on my help with your problems either. I’m tired of other people’s problems…
So strongly and subtly..
My happiest readers (if you can call them that) are here – in my sacred cave. Read More
Jumpsuit pt2
What hides under your skin when you’re left alone?
Spikes
I caught myself thinking that the spikes in my ears are not only about the fact that it is more compact, more convenient, but also because they are spikes. On the one hand, it is a symbol of the fact that I can be pricked. On the other hand, it resembles a pin, from a story where a man, in case of stupid thoughts, pricked himself until he bled. I like the feeling that I can prick myself at any moment. I like to pull the earring, understanding that it is a part of me. True, this applies to the one that has been in its place for about six months.
I began to perceive the hair on my body differently. Previously, I believed that the “season for creativity” is from autumn to warm days, because it is not good for a man to be “with shaved arms and legs”. Now I put the very idea of creativity above all else. And I don’t really accept the fact that I don’t look like a monkey. I just be the way I am comfortable being.
I still ask myself – what exactly is this connected with. Anyway, so far I have come to the conclusion that psychologically a part of me died then. The part that made certain barriers that you had no right to go beyond. Now I live without barriers, and those that exist I destroy as soon as I start to see them. And if someone says that “it is impossible” – I immediately try to prove the opposite.
We really like “lessons of national identity”, but, for some reason, they do not popularize the topic of self-identity. And it, in my opinion, is much more important.
Ebay, please, stop!
Did I accidentally find this on eBay? No. Was I looking for something similar? Yes. Whose happy with what I found? Yes, if not for the price))
At my job they make fun of the fact that someone makes a living as a webcam model. Well, whatever. Thanks for the inspiration! With every drop of hatred and not accepting something, I build my personality. It came from my parents, who showed that if you want to achieve something in life – do what they thought was stupid. And you will achieve…
No, it’s not about me being a webcam model with this mask. It’s about the fact that you can be anything, the main thing is that you remain and be yourself, and not what someone wants to see you as 🙂