Angry

…when there are no dreams or notifications from you,
when songs and eternity are not written…

…The tired city stretches in traffic jams
It rages, rages, rages, rages, just
like the joy is put on display
As the one who left smiles
And then the guitars fell silent abruptly
And instead of the carrot, again the sharp
It rages, rages, rages..

Yesterday was a hard day. Of course, not for her. Because I felt and lived this day. I listened to her – this song, and drove faster and faster…I drove with all my might. The screen showed 42 km/h, but it was hardly less. My legs were starting to burn…At such moments you want to exhaust yourself. So that the physical pain is felt more than the internal one. When you drive, and you want to cry from understanding “…has life really played a cruel joke again?..” – because she doesn’t know how it happens to you in life. How you lose something really dear to you. In general, people.

I did what I shouldn’t have done – I turned to my knowledge and skills. The Internet stores a lot of information about you, and there was her phone number. I asked only one thing: “Are you alive?” ((” – because that’s all that mattered to me. I knew the price of this question for myself. The price is loneliness. Because if a person is really alive, they will ask you where you got this number. After that, people usually disappear. I paid this price. It’s better for a person to be alive but scared of me than for something to really happen to them and I never get an answer.

I get very attached to people. They say that love cannot arise without a real meeting. That you cannot sincerely relate to a person who is a set of signs and symbols for you. I think so myself. But I also get emotionally attached to these very “signs”.

The story took an unexpected turn. Because later, thanks to these same skills, we will find a photo of a person who sends her threats from an “empty account”. And this will calm her down a little about her situation. Which scares her even more than me, because I am “somewhere out there”. And that person is closer.

The world is not black and white. And the things that scare you first can later become your protection. Depending on the angle you look at it from…

“The earth shakes for a moment
Hold on to me, little one
Hold on to what makes us human
Hold on, hold on
As memory holds me There is no
room in it for new names
There is no, no, no” (c) Violet