He is somewhere outside…

This is a sponsored post by my inner Drama Queen. Scroll on…

“..And I will leave all my dreams under the cold blanket
There I see us, and every night in a circle

My dreams are moving away from yours
Somewhere in another apartment you can hear my laughter now
Somewhere in another time, in another dimension
We understood each other and became dear to each other

Somewhere where we weren’t stubborn
Our conversations are clear and frank
Our voices have become less prickly
More understandable and more decisive..”

Once my ex asked me something like, how is it possible that you are so obsessed with someone as if you have lived a life together. But that’s how it is. Over time, with your interlocutors, you learn to skip all the stages “before”, skipping them by a day, two, a week? … in a week you should have had children. At least. Therefore, any communication or relationship in someone’s perception and in mine are two different things. Therefore, I clearly know and understand what I need. And if a person meets the qualities that I need – I close my eyes to appearance, age, gender – I am interested in the soul. Thoughts, creativity of a person, inner world, what they fill their every day with. Sex is wonderful, wonderful sex is even more wonderful, but I learned to live, literally, without it (living in marriage, yes). Therefore, for me, the “thing” that in someone’s dream instead of a first date I went to show… ekhem. Because it’s so not about me that it surprises me.

I should be interested in talking to a person. It’s great if there are some joint trips to common places. In general, it’s great if we have a common creativity and we can help each other with it. If our visions of everyday responsibilities coincide – bingo! That’s why I perceive the meeting as a formality. But that’s just me. And I can’t teach myself that in other people’s lives it doesn’t work like that. Does this show that my shitty romanticism is raging inside me? And no. I have relationships “by calculation”, just the calculation is somewhat different.

In general, to be honest – I’m “ok” and myself. Because the minus of a bunch of “I have” is immediately rejected. So yes, it’s probably time to turn on the usual self. Without “kittens and bunnies”. Without the desire to show your value. Without the desire to show your significance and affection. No more humiliating yourself and bending over. Because we always have an “I” that we sometimes bury for the sake of someone. But in relationships, like Uma Thurman’s character, it will dig itself out and… make itself felt. Relationships are about TWO. Remember this (if anyone has even read this far) forever. Concessions from both sides. Interest from both sides. If the apology is only from your side – fuck it. If only you bend over – fuck it. If the relationship is interesting only to you – …do you understand?..

“..Well, at least tell me about what you dreamed about?
What is left of us after a hundred conversations?
How can I feel your breath one last time?
It is somewhere beyond

Well, at least a word about what you dreamed?
What is left of us after a hundred conversations?
How can I feel your breath one last time?
He is somewhere outside.
He is not around .
He is not around.”

Ps AZIZA & Multitrack – “At least a word”