war

Life Thoughts

And I know exactly how this ends..

Saint Creature No Comments

Somehow, everyone has become depressed. And somehow it seems to me that everyone is simply s..icked by the three words “heat”, “ballistics”, and “what the fuck did I make depressed?” The last word is the most important, because it includes any circumstances. It is different for everyone. For me, it is about a cold (probably) with a temperature. But it is not about me.

There is an overabundance of narratives that are thrown at us in our lives. They work especially well in conditions of discomfort – it doesn’t matter if it’s hot or cold. But it’s at these moments that you give up and start thinking “..but maybe?..” – it’s about the desire to move. It’s about fatigue from the life that has surrounded you for God knows how many years. About anxiety. About disbelief in tomorrow.

Yes, I am the same “cheese maker” who writes one thing today and will write another tomorrow. But right now, in the moment, I am here to say that life goes on. It doesn’t matter if we lost someone yesterday or a year ago. It doesn’t matter where you live. It is important to live and believe in your tomorrow. Whatever it may be. Only with faith in tomorrow will it come. Only with a vision of this very tomorrow will you be able to move on.

It’s strange that Linkin Park’s The Emptiness Machine inspired such thoughts. This same “the emptiness machine” wants to crush us all. But we won’t let it…right?..

Personal Thoughts

From a clean slate

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Of the TV series that I liked, there was one that I didn’t talk about. I plan to watch it again to revive the memories and feelings. I remember that I liked the music in it. It’s a bit melancholic.

I was surprised that two years ago I had a post with the same name . I think the title of the post also matched the title of this series. In general, it is about a man who moves to a new city and plans to start all over again. He used to have problems with alcohol, so he tries to move away from the past and move on. But certain difficulties in life return him to his previous path, and everyone turns away from him.

I try to live life, but sometimes it’s very difficult, because all your plans and efforts are destroyed by reality, which simply does not allow you to swim to the shore. And this is not about memories of two years ago. That is, not thoughts of suicide or anything else – sometimes you just understand how difficult it is to carry this world on your shoulders. I am now further from suicide than ever, which is why it was even stranger to watch that movie the other day, with the understanding that you know how it is, and you are more scared not by what you see, but by what you want to say “oh no… you don’t do it that way, let me show you how…”.

I couldn’t erase myself from this world then, and I became curious about what it would be like if I did everything the other way around. If I tried to live it? This is life, no matter what. I’m not afraid of the TCC or checkpoints not because I believe in my status. In fact, under this status, I’m dead as a soldier. I’m more interested in something else – they caught me somewhere. Busified me. What’s next? With those electronic registers and other things…where they know more about you than you do. How will I get through the VLK and where will I end up? It would be an adventure, that’s how I feel about it.

I was given the chance to live freely, and I’m taking advantage of it. Sometimes it’s harder than I’d like. Sometimes it’s incomprehensible. But I’m trying my best…

Art Games Photos

Retro (Contra)

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I would like to write briefly “who knows, that knows”, but maybe I’ll explain.

In my childhood there was a console, mostly known as Nes. It has game “Contra”. If you enter “up up, down down, back forward, back forward, B A, Start” on the title screen, you will get thirty lives in the game. This is also known as the “Konami code”.

I’ve been carrying this project in my head for several days, but I still haven’t found the time (or the opportunity, because of the shelling) to paint my nails. What’s more interesting – yesterday there was a heavy shelling that destroyed the local police station. So… apparently this work has found another, deeper meaning – right now, we all need those same “extra thirty lives”. It doesn’t matter, saved or not lost.

Recently, a person told me that he wants to think less about the war. To have less “war” in his life. In fact, that’s where our paths diverged. Because I don’t want to be silent about what surrounds me. I want to bring my own meanings to it, but if there is no war for her – ok. Because I live in it. So, in fact, there is no me for her.

Want more?..

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