thoughts

Creative Bisexual

Over the past two days I have managed to feel like a creative bisexual. How is that?

It is believed that gays and lesbians do not really like bisexuals. Both of them do not like that bisexuals cannot choose “who they are”.

In one place I got a comment along the lines of “how does the mask from Aliexpress feel, that other people also have?”. In another place I was asked about my BDSM-style image. And I’m very surprised that I haven’t received anything from anyone about macro photography or abstraction yet)))

I don’t know how else to convey to people that I’m not interested in 100% correspondence of what is depicted in the pictures. That is, if I depict blood in the pictures – it shouldn’t be mine or someone else’s blood. Similarly, if I wear 15-centimeter heels – it’s not about my desire to excite men with my image that I created. This is an image for the sake of an image and creativity for the sake of creativity 🙂

Emptiness Machine..

I ask myself – what went wrong last time? And I think that there was still some hope then. Hope that you can find a path that will lead you to something good. But in the reality we find ourselves in – any hope is useless. It is useless to think about a quick end to the war, it is useless to think that in your country the minimum wage (which is paid in most companies) will become such that it will allow you to at least exist, not live. Because is it easy to survive on 120 euros a month? I don’t think so…

All I want is to work at a normal job, get paid for it, and not think about anything else. I don’t mind working according to the schedule and working overtime (if necessary), I can do a lot with my hands, and I think that in time it will be useful wherever I end up.

Am I sad to leave the house and the new garden that we planted this spring? Yes. It eats me up again, just like last time. Things you’ve already made in the house, tools you’ve been collecting all your life. You understand that you can take all this with you. The best option is to move it all over time. But that’s over time. And at the same time, I understand that as it is now, I can’t continue living. Simply because this is a path to nowhere. I’m not sure that after a few years of living in the same rhythm, I won’t give up and just disappear, because I won’t see any prospects.

As before, I know that one person would be enough for me. Someone who would help me get used to a new place, help me find a job. That’s all I need, so as not to just go into the void. Because I have enough emptiness here…

Sa, 35…

We ran with the neighbouring kids at the park. It’s funny that they don’t perceive me as an adult. It’s sad that people their parents’ age pay for fitness and go to training more often, instead of just running with their children for free, and instead of spending money on sports equipment like frisbee’s or badminton rackets, instead of the gym.

Some people consider the fact that we don’t have children a minus. I consider it a plus, because there is no certain “screen” that prevents you from understanding children and being interested in what is popular with them at the moment. Because this creates a certain gap between generations, when the older ones always perceive their own children and their interests as either funny or stupid. There are exceptions, but, for the most part, all adults are very “adults.”