Love yourself. Forgive yourself
Saint Creature One of Florence + The Machine’s songs starts with some interesting lines. They’re about how you can only love and forgive someone by loving and forgiving yourself. What if you changed it? Read More
Thoughts
What is dead cannot die.
Indeed. If a person gives up so quickly and does not want to make another attempt, this only indicates that the person needed you only as a strong part. But any person cannot be strong 24/7 and, from time to time, needs support himself. If a person does not understand and does not accept this, the question arises, do you need a person who is only ready to receive and not give anything in return? Relationships are always about two. About supporting each other. About understanding that everyone has their weaknesses at one point or another. About second chances. But she said her “no”.
Maybe I was more of a psychological experience for her than a person she would ever love. We’ll never know. But sometimes it’s better to end something like this early, before you get even more traumatized, than to believe that one day you’ll get from this person what you needed – mutual love and support.
Ps In a sense, this is my test of people. Internal. If a person does not want to make another attempt – they did not need the first one. If a person agrees to money – it was not the minutes of your interaction that were valuable to them, but at least some benefit, if they did not get exactly what they wanted. Even if it is under the guise of “it is not necessary”.
I think I’m imagining it?..
I catch myself in this state again when I realize that it’s all just in my head. I’m again not correctly perceiving other people’s emotions. Maybe it’s empathy, maybe interest in certain aspects of a person. But no more. And I can step on the same rake again if I perceive something differently. The world doesn’t work in my image and likeness. All people are different and not like me. In general, this should be perceived as “if I think something is like this – it means it’s not like this, but completely different”. And now is the moment when you should catch it.
I like to substitute my values into the formula instead of “X” and “Y”, getting the results that would satisfy me. But you have to remember that I am always “insufficient”. For other people, something in me is always not enough for something to happen. At such moments you are most vulnerable, and every little thing can knock you off track. Are you ready for this time?..
It would be strange for me, at least once, to meet someone just like me. No games. No substitutions of the desired for the real. A person who would believe me. But can you be believed if, sometimes, you don’t believe yourself?..Your openness is killing you. It kills anything, because people don’t like openness. They need a mystery. A secret that they will want to find in you. Something personal that remains inside…
“Talk to me, talk to me
Won’t you make it all make sense?
Caught between the memories
Of yesterday and who we were back then
But I’ve been here before
So I think I know the score
Hit me when I’m sore..”
Rat race
Sometimes the interaction of two people resembles a race. As in sports or dance, there is one who leads and one who allows himself to be led. That is, two diverse forces. Let’s turn to physics. If two forces move at different speeds, but one of the forces makes a jump, does this mean that they will align and continue their journey side by side? I will answer right away – no.
The thing is that the impulse we give to an object is not a fixed unit. There was once a girl I liked. But the problem (from my point of view) was that I didn’t have money for flowers and stuff. You could have asked her if she needed them, but you learn from how the universe works, from other people’s experiences, because it’s shown in movies or described in books. So you make these flowers an important part of the relationship. Reasoning has led to the fact that it’s not a problem to go to work and earn money. The problem is that there are certain elements that, from the starting position, on your part, require action from you. Reasoning moves into the plane of “but if a person doesn’t need you without these actions, then a person doesn’t need you, but what these actions will give them.”
In general, it resembles buying a phone. When you look at a model in a store for $500, and a model $30 more expensive is better, and $50 more expensive is even better. And now you no longer think about the one that cost $500, but you admire the one that is a “dream model”, but costs $580. And you buy it. Translating this into a more understandable plane – by increasing your speed, or value, you, at the same time, reduce the speed/value of another object that you are trying to catch up with. That is, it, in your understanding, depreciates.
Basically, being in different conditions, the two forces cannot coexist side by side. Either the first will constantly pull the second forward, or the second will stop the first from moving forward.
This takes me back to 2007. You can love endlessly and dissolve in a person, finding in them a whole universe, and dividing the world in which you live into two halves. Equal for each. But as in yesterday’s story about different planes, here it is the same – your universes coexist only in one plane – of thoughts and communication. An attempt to go beyond the boundaries of communication ends fatally, because you understand the difference of these very worlds. It’s about some things that you cannot agree with, because they were not built into your “firmware”.
As in any other case, I ask myself the question – could it be otherwise? Is there some neutral side? A neutral territory where two energies can coexist? It reminds me, for some reason, of the life of a conditional stewardess and a plumber. When the first knows that she can return home. That there is a fixed term “home”. Where it is cozy. Where she is always expected. Where there is food, there are freshly cut flowers on the table. Because Mario grows them in the winter garden. The second knows that he needs to maintain this very comfort. It is not for nothing that Mario is given as an example here – he has to watch “the castle for the princess”.
In 2007, we were both 17. And you had one perception. Now…at 17 you look for reasons, at 36 you look for ways. You don’t want to believe that the world is flat and any situation has only 1 solution. The question is whether this solution is necessary only for you.
Random fact
I have always had it easier with people who are not accepted by society, because such people accepted me. I accept people as they are. Any. Except for those who commit violence against others. They should burn in hell, of course. In turn, this unspoken rule applies to me too – you don’t need to wear a mask. You are just who you are.
Therefore, “your people”, or “your person” – will always come across your path. No matter how long or short it may be. Just look not among those who do not understand – but among those who are on the same wavelength.
Planes
We can perceive any person as close as possible, but each person exists in several planes. One plane is our conversations. Another plane is the worldview. Another plane is the family, from one side, from the other. And there are many such planes. In each of us. And, that is, we perceive a person as close, but this happens in one plane. But we perceive it as if it happens in all directions at once. Then “something wrong” happens, and our perception changes. It changes in relation to this very part. But internally we perceive it as something that has changed globally and as a whole…
Between the Windows
I know/like to find some signs (even where there are none). Same with this butterfly. It got stuck between the windows, although I thought it was sitting on the outside window. I feel about the same way – like stuck between two windows. One half of you says – you are self-sufficient, you don’t need anyone. The other says – you need someone.
In general, you just keep sitting between the windows, waiting for… some sign? Not sure…
Grandmother Miguel de Cervantes
Grandmother de Cervantes had every chance of being the first one that I would (attempt?) somehow restore.
Well…for now, it’s just a matter of fixing it up. Because I like it. My guy. It’s just a little shabby…I’d like to return the look of the wood to…wood. The hinges to the hinges. The mirrors to…mirrors?. Cover it with oil and wax and you’ll be happy. But I think those are far-fetched plans. For now, at least just start using it for its intended purpose.
The (almost) bachelor’s house is so…strange. The ceiling is black because the stove “smoked” when the uncle heated it and…left the house. Some might say it’s dirt. But for me it’s just a “creative ceiling”. You’ll probably see more than one photo where I use it as a decorative element. Like old wallpaper. Because for some, what’s gloomy is for us inspiration.
Yes. And now we definitely need to cook food…
Those we love the most, don’t hurt in the heart, but deeper.
No, that’s not what the post is about. Read More
Manifesto (smart talk’s with Daria)
“The truth is that people like you and I are self-sufficient. The fact is. That we are socially dependent is another story. But we don’t plan to “live with the whole world.” So objectively. What is the main thing for people like us in another person who should be there?
1. Acceptance of us as we are. With the need for additional communication. Will all people give us this opportunity? No.
2. The opportunity to share something and be heard. For example, your “employee” – he has not passed this test. Based on previous thoughts.
3. Warmth of relationships. We are ready to give warmth and would like to receive it. Not for a “well-executed command” (like dogs), but simply. Because they see us as a living person. So if a person does not treat you “warmly” or does not make contact – it is not that the problem is there. It is just that either you do not have a connection, or the person does not perceive you (read point 2).
4. Shared leisure. An important point. Because without shared activities, there is no relationship. And this is about whether you either go somewhere together and like it, or watch/listen/read something that you can talk about later.
5. The future. In general, this is not about “our” relationships, but relationships in general. People should see a common future. In a common place. In a common reality. If people at our age do not see a common future, it means that they have already set different paths. They will not change over time. They will simply diverge even more. Therefore, at this stage, it is important to share and hear about how a person sees himself in 5-10 years, conditional.
It would seem that this is all about the “basics”, but we neglect about 3 points out of 5 every time, and think that the problem is us. But the problem is not us, but that you are simply different people. With different ideas/attitudes towards life.”