If you were dead or still alive…

Actually, I thought this communication would last longer, because I found some good sides, some pluses. I got used to the person in general. But…

I don’t like it when a person doesn’t hear me. Doesn’t hear about my sore spots. When you scream that you’re in pain, and they start to press you even more.

Well. It’s probably not for nothing that Spotify recommended this song at this very moment…

“I try to make you see my side
I always try to stay in line,
But your eyes see right through
That’s all they do

Getting buried in this place
I got no room you’re in my face
Don’t say anything
Just go away

If you were dead or still alive
I don’t care
I don’t care
Just go and leave this all behind
‘cause I swear (I swear)
I don’t care“

I hope I don’t deviate from my path again, and this communication ends by the end of this year (or sooner, because no one knows what else will hurt me).

What was the reason? She told me that maybe we would meet in person someday. I said that it was very unlikely, because I didn’t want to plan something like that. She began to convince me that “nothing should be ruled out.” Alexandra knows how I usually react when someone tries to prove something to me that is completely opposite to what I perceive. Just to quote what I wrote to her:

“There are things that are painful for me. Important. I can come to them later. Gradually. I like to gradually fill myself with a person and fall in love with them. There is such a material. Like plasticine. It stretches very well if you pull it slowly. And it tears if you suddenly tear it off. It is hard if you hit it and breaks into pieces. I react to stimuli in about the same way. And over time, I would probably come to the idea that it would be good to meet. Spending time and money on the road just to be there. Why am I telling you this? Because right now “I don’t care”

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I am difficult, or rather a VERY DIFFICULT PERSON. With a very difficult character. And you shouldn’t be friends with me because of this and I tell everyone this. Because I can never promise anything. But I know for sure that this communication hurts me, because we perceive emotions differently. She wants sharp, sharp emotions. It doesn’t matter if they are good or bad. I want emotions that are more understandable to me. Comfortable. Those that won’t leave wounds in my heart.