thoughts

Sa OF Mod?

“Where is he going?” they will say, and I will say…far away!
From today I am (less than five minutes ago)…an OnlyFans model! Amazing? Maybe! Strange? Maybe! But I decided to try to make my creativity also a source of income, even if it is small.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to start making content with sexual content, it’s more about the same creativity that I had on Deviantart, just in a broader form. Maybe the focus will be on fetish themes, but we’ll see about that in time. I would like it to be a platform where I don’t work 24/7, but where people would have the opportunity to thank me for my creativity. And I think that’s fair.

How will it be? Only time will tell. But I’m positive and hope that I can find my fans. Happy new beginnings!

Bars in heads

It’s interesting that at one time, when I was taking “naked pictures”, I was scared that someone would see me, recognize not only me, but even the appearance of the room, and understand that it was me. And…what next? What would they do with it? But the fear was still there.

The longer the war lasts, the more I change. I have fewer fears, I become freer. Now I believe that how they see me is not my problem, but the problem of those people. And if they don’t like me the way they see me, let them go to hell, because I am who I am. I surrendered to my will and I am a snake in accordance with life. If I want to take some, from my point of view, aesthetic pictures, I will take them, because I am interested in it and I need it. This is my creativity and my essence. Someone will say that “my body is my temple”, and I did not build this temple, so I have nothing to be ashamed of.

The only thing you should really be ashamed of is when you pay attention to someone else’s perception of you. The bars in other people’s heads shouldn’t be your bars – let them be theirs.

Strange feeling of freedom 2.0

It’s somehow surprisingly easy. I’m used to my openness being a “bell” to the fact that “you can always get dumped,” and now I’m somehow too open. Do I feel something inside?

I have already set a certain “work deadline”, and this is perhaps another such bell to my ears that I should either start some kind of business by winter, or… let’s go back to the plans to “dump it into the sunset”? Now I have a clear understanding that if something doesn’t work out here, there is always a factory somewhere in the Czech Republic waiting for us. Today’s example of work showed that it doesn’t matter where you have to work hard – at the factory for 1.5k euros, or here for 127 euros. So, maybe it’s not so scary after all?..

I notice that I’m waiting for some sign to “break through.” To change something radically. And it would probably be nice to live with the thought that you’re “settled in place,” but it’s brighter to think that everything is still ahead.

I wouldn’t want to live to see the day when they tell me “it’s either this or that – you have no choice.” Because I want it to be.

I can already see that I don’t have enough strength to believe in myself and do something that would bring a normal income. Something stable and understandable. Because it was wrong to think that I would leave with what I have now. I won’t leave. I have never seen eel for sale in my life, and here it is available for 32 euro per kg. But at the same time, people are not ready to pay normal money for the work done. Wonder? Ugh…

I guess I want to invest in creativity. Find people “on the wave.” Who will say “Dude! You’re cool! Come to us, we’ll help you get settled! We need you here!” – and everything will turn around…
So… let’s put the wind in our sails…

What is needed for friendship?

An interesting question that I don’t have an answer to. What criteria should there be to be friends with someone and are they necessary at all?

I look at people in real life and see that they have fewer parameters or criteria for friendship. In the virtual universe, we limit ourselves to the parameters that we need for interaction. For a person to joke well, be interested in something related to what we are interested in, listen to something more or less similar and… only then do we see the point in interaction?..

Something inside tells you that you have to show something to be interesting to someone. The older you get, the more of a “multi-instrumentalist” you have to be. Jumping above your head? Yes, it’s possible. And in fact…

I think it’s enough to be yourself. And continue to create your own creative world. Creativity is something for which you will either be loved or hated. I have been convinced more than once that the most valuable people are those with whom you are in sync in creativity – when you like what another person does, and they like your creativity. This mutual inspiration gives the greatest “fruits”. I believe that this is how we will find ourselves with the same people 🙂


Sometimes I look at the numbers and see things that I don’t want. In general, these are new sites with almost no views. But I look at Threads, where there are a dozen or so people who don’t interact at all, and I understand that I don’t even need that many. Because the point is not in quantity, but in quality. And it only happens over time. So… let’s create 🙂

A little busy

I’m always ashamed when I come back home (here, in the And) and see that I haven’t written or shared my thoughts in a long time. I’ve been rehabilitating my back, got a job, tomorrow is the end of the first week. Oh. It’s been a long time since I worked somewhere with a schedule, but everything is going easier and better than it seemed. They give me the necessary level of freedom, I give my opportunities. Somehow everything happens. Right now it’s cold here, the temperature outside is close to zero, in places it’s snowing and lying, there’s no heating at work, so we’re working in survival mode until it gets warmer. There I’ll be able to close work issues and hope that then there will be time for my thoughts on the blog and that these thoughts will be in my head, because for now it’s empty.

The week was hard and almost every day at the end of the working day I went somewhere else, returning home closer to 8-9 pm. It’s harder than the work itself. But I’m coping.

I would like to do more, but I don’t have time for that right now. It’s funny, but I was (sort of) blocked on Tumblr, so…fuck it. I don’t really need it. There was no promotion there.

Now I have to check everything by money, because there are certain expenses and there is no way to earn steadily right now. Moreover, one work account was blocked, so there were even bigger problems with money. In general, I just try not to pay attention to everything and live until the moment when everything will be easier because either something will fall apart, or additional sources of income will be found. I’m going to look for goods and sleep, because right now this is more important than anything else. I hope to write a couple of posts on the main blog soon. I love you all. See you soon 🙂