plans

Emptiness Machine..

Saint Creature June 14, 2025 No Comments

I ask myself – what went wrong last time? And I think that there was still some hope then. Hope that you can find a path that will lead you to something good. But in the reality we find ourselves in – any hope is useless. It is useless to think about a quick end to the war, it is useless to think that in your country the minimum wage (which is paid in most companies) will become such that it will allow you to at least exist, not live. Because is it easy to survive on 120 euros a month? I don’t think so…

All I want is to work at a normal job, get paid for it, and not think about anything else. I don’t mind working according to the schedule and working overtime (if necessary), I can do a lot with my hands, and I think that in time it will be useful wherever I end up.

Am I sad to leave the house and the new garden that we planted this spring? Yes. It eats me up again, just like last time. Things you’ve already made in the house, tools you’ve been collecting all your life. You understand that you can take all this with you. The best option is to move it all over time. But that’s over time. And at the same time, I understand that as it is now, I can’t continue living. Simply because this is a path to nowhere. I’m not sure that after a few years of living in the same rhythm, I won’t give up and just disappear, because I won’t see any prospects.

As before, I know that one person would be enough for me. Someone who would help me get used to a new place, help me find a job. That’s all I need, so as not to just go into the void. Because I have enough emptiness here…

I asked myself today..

Saint Creature March 1, 2025 No Comments

What exactly do I want? What is my goal?..

Yes, for objective reasons and because of the financial crisis that is currently sweeping the world (in Ukraine it is because of the war, in Europe because of refugees from Ukraine who are there because of the war, in America it is because of… well, you know). In addition to this crisis, there is also what is called “artificial intelligence”, when many people are fired, and others have to work much more than usual just to stay in their place and not be fired. So… what’s the plan, boy? There is no point in you moving anywhere precisely because of all these reasons. But what do you want, somewhere inside?

Of course, I would like some stability and an understanding of what kind of world you will wake up in tomorrow. And so far I don’t objectively see any possibilities to live in such a world. Yes, probably the only option here is to “pack your bags and go to New Zealand, which is far away, where English is needed and where you are not needed as “some kind of specialist”. Otherwise, you are still not insured. So?…

I think that I really, at least for now, have no options to even think about them. I just have to hold on and somehow try to survive this period. Therefore, I look at all the options that are offered and try not to lose the little that I still have. Because the crisis is stronger than it might seem. And it is only starting to drag on. I see this in the ability to buy something from people. This is a clear sign that everything is “very bad”.

I want to develop an English-language blog (this is the main one), create creativity, and… live. If I want to do this, then it is better to do it all in the place where I am now. It is time to change something and in general there will be more, well, no, no. I am tired of being upset because I can’t be what I can’t be.