people

People Personal Thoughts

Only happy when…

Saint Creature No Comments

There are several interesting facts related to each other. The first of them was that this song/work was dedicated to her. In the full sense. It sounded something like “I’m happy only when we communicate”. I guess I should admit it.

The second interesting fact is that I am still blocked on Devi. Yes, I got curious, I checked – now I am blocked. And for some reason this makes me happy. Because it connects all the dots and no “accidentally liked”. It’s convenient when you are not the one who blocks. So as not to save it somewhere in the lists.

The third is “replacement syndrome”. Because I completely replaced the person who disappeared from my life with others. With someone I communicate pleasantly and share a worldview. With someone we are mutually inspired by creativity, and this is valuable. I love them and what they create.

I have come a long way and am leaving this sadness behind. With a pure heart and a sense of completion. When a person doesn’t just appear in your life by some random chance. So…now I’m “happy not only when it rains”.

Me People Personal

Fun Fiction

Saint Creature No Comments

Once, in a conversation with her about her feelings after moving, she quoted the movie “Green Book”. In general, the term “Green Book” itself is about a guide for black people, which lists safe places where they could stay for the night. And, in fact, the quote from the movie sounded like “I’m not black enough for blacks and not white enough for whites”. And today I somehow tried it on myself. Apparently, I’m not straight enough for straight, but also not enough…anyone else for someone? Apparently. I don’t use “them/they” in everyday life, not in general. I don’t want to get hung up on something like that. Sometimes I think about what it’s like to be with someone of the same sex, but the problem is that in our country, men are not about sexuality, but about dirt, sloppiness, an unpleasant smell. That is, you can’t somehow visualize this character, if only because you simply don’t have any source from which to draw.

When I put, for example, people I know – the picture comes out too stupid, to be honest. Because I don’t like these people. They don’t evoke anything in me. In my life, there have probably only been a few people who would evoke something. But usually they are very distant.

I don’t want to speculate about anything. As life goes on, so it will be. I guess I’m just too picky. I guess these are strange considerations from a married man. But I perceive it all differently. It’s like a fan fiction for some story.

Other

I let people go easily.

Saint Creature No Comments

There is a type of people I easily let go of. Here she is. She lives near Lutsk. Is that a sin? No. We lived there ourselves. Not far away…she goes to Slovakia – is that a sin? No…it’s not about that. It’s just that fragment that was in the last letter from one of the platforms she writes on. She writes on a russian-language blog site – is that a sin? Yes.

At such moments, I get the feeling that Western Ukraine is really a “separate world” where there is no war, so… is it possible to write on an enemy site where every 4.5 out of 5 people want you dead? Yes… probably. Because people from the “peaceful world” are like goldfish. They don’t remember for long why they left their country at the beginning of the war. And it’s convenient now to wander off to Slovakia, or Germany, or somewhere else to “distract” themselves from this war.

There was once a game called Dr. Mario. In my childhood, we played it on an old game console, which was an analogue of the Nes. The picture was black and white, and there you had to destroy microbes. White, yellow and red. In monochrome, white and yellow were like one colour, barely distinguishable if you look closely. And here is the feeling that for this person there is a war in monochrome.It exists – but you can also write. Because “the war is somewhere out there…”

People

Silent

Saint Creature No Comments

In a broad sense, I just want silence now. No people, no conversations, no outside world. Only my inner self is sooooooooo limited socially. I don’t want new people. I don’t want to let anyone in at all. Because I don’t see the point in that. I’m a complete person and right now what I have in myself is enough for me to just move on with my life and do my thing. I don’t need people for that. At all.

People Personal Thoughts

The Law of Equivalent Exchange

Saint Creature No Comments

I would like to apply “The Law of Equivalent Exchange” to relationships between people. It is easy to use in this area, because in order to fully replace a person, you should not just switch to another or find another communication – this person should evoke in you the same emotions that the previous one evokes, and what you get from him should also be no less than what you received from the previous one. Under any other circumstances, this is just a “colouring of colours”, which mixes feelings, but does not give the same result.

Is it destructive to trust another person? Yes, more than! Because the more we trust someone, the more sadness will come to us from the understanding that the person did not share this trust. And in general, most people should not be trusted too much, because… they still remain people.

I think that any individual relationship is unique in itself. Because it is a certain chemistry. And this chemistry cannot be transferred to any other plane. The similarity of names, habits, musical tastes of two people does not give us a similar experience from communicating with them. Therefore, it is impossible to replace someone with someone. And what is the result? The result is a hole that remains in us from meeting a new person. Over time, this hole has a chance to heal a little, but the experience from interaction remains with us forever. Like a scar from a bullet that hit us. Only the bullet remains in us physically, and people remain in our thoughts.

A significant part of me says that I do not need communication with anyone right now, no matter how much I internally feel that I need it. And, in the end, I would prefer to be alone than to trust someone again, to have this state that I have now again.

I remembered one song, and I think it’s about her now…

“There’s a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Although we won’t ever meet, I’ll remember your name

Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don’t think I can
So fuck you anyway”

People Thoughts

Drop by drop

Saint Creature No Comments

Once I was acquainted with a girl from whom I received a “signature”. She cost me a laptop. We agreed that when she received the laptop – she would send me money. But she never sent it to me. I trusted her very much, and… this trust cost money. But that’s not the point. She had a signature under a nickname. The phrase. “When all the rats ran away – the ship stopped sinking”. I remembered it for two reasons. The first of them – because it corresponded to what she did. The second – because it is a really “working” phrase.

When something changes a lot in our lives – it is not always about the minus. I was disappointed that I would no longer have an interlocutor, and I began to look at the work of other people. With this person, I did not pay attention to others, because one person is enough for me. Is there much space in my heart? I always said that “… there will be enough for one more person”. In fact, there is even a little more of it now. And I was joined by different people whose creativity I appreciated. They leave comments under my works. They like what I create. They talk to me. And instead of one person who inspires me, I got more. And each of them is very valuable to me. Not because they like what I do – but because I really like their creativity.

Thank you to everyone who surrounds me these days – you make my world better, and I will try to make yours too!

This is probably a strange post on the third day after the “breakup”, but it is true. I am healed by work and the people around me. Thank you!

« Previous Page — Next Page »

Want more?..

Personal

It’s been quite difficult lately…

Art Photos

Sometimes

Other

0

Thoughts

Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door…