people

I let people go easily.

There is a type of people I easily let go of. Here she is. She lives near Lutsk. Is that a sin? No. We lived there ourselves. Not far away…she goes to Slovakia – is that a sin? No…it’s not about that. It’s just that fragment that was in the last letter from one of the platforms she writes on. She writes on a russian-language blog site – is that a sin? Yes.

At such moments, I get the feeling that Western Ukraine is really a “separate world” where there is no war, so… is it possible to write on an enemy site where every 4.5 out of 5 people want you dead? Yes… probably. Because people from the “peaceful world” are like goldfish. They don’t remember for long why they left their country at the beginning of the war. And it’s convenient now to wander off to Slovakia, or Germany, or somewhere else to “distract” themselves from this war.

There was once a game called Dr. Mario. In my childhood, we played it on an old game console, which was an analogue of the Nes. The picture was black and white, and there you had to destroy microbes. White, yellow and red. In monochrome, white and yellow were like one colour, barely distinguishable if you look closely. And here is the feeling that for this person there is a war in monochrome.It exists – but you can also write. Because “the war is somewhere out there…”

Silent

In a broad sense, I just want silence now. No people, no conversations, no outside world. Only my inner self is sooooooooo limited socially. I don’t want new people. I don’t want to let anyone in at all. Because I don’t see the point in that. I’m a complete person and right now what I have in myself is enough for me to just move on with my life and do my thing. I don’t need people for that. At all.

Answer

Sometimes, life throws us answers to questions that worried us. In fact, all her “openness” was just a shell. Why? Because…today Instagram gave me her profile. No, not the one where she blocked me. Not a creative one. But a real profile. With her photo on the avatar and her real name. So…what is a fake person worth? Probably a fake attitude. Probably, we should tell more.

Usually people start left-wing accounts and write from them to always have the opportunity to disappear from your life. So all this communication was done immediately exclusively “for the sake of intrigue”, and not communication as such. With the opportunity to erase myself from my universe if something goes wrong. And this is probably convenient. But not entirely honest. Was this person a manipulator and an energy vampire? Now I think so. Because…everything says so.

So let’s just leave her behind and move on 🙂

The Law of Equivalent Exchange

I would like to apply “The Law of Equivalent Exchange” to relationships between people. It is easy to use in this area, because in order to fully replace a person, you should not just switch to another or find another communication – this person should evoke in you the same emotions that the previous one evokes, and what you get from him should also be no less than what you received from the previous one. Under any other circumstances, this is just a “colouring of colours”, which mixes feelings, but does not give the same result.

Is it destructive to trust another person? Yes, more than! Because the more we trust someone, the more sadness will come to us from the understanding that the person did not share this trust. And in general, most people should not be trusted too much, because… they still remain people.

I think that any individual relationship is unique in itself. Because it is a certain chemistry. And this chemistry cannot be transferred to any other plane. The similarity of names, habits, musical tastes of two people does not give us a similar experience from communicating with them. Therefore, it is impossible to replace someone with someone. And what is the result? The result is a hole that remains in us from meeting a new person. Over time, this hole has a chance to heal a little, but the experience from interaction remains with us forever. Like a scar from a bullet that hit us. Only the bullet remains in us physically, and people remain in our thoughts.

A significant part of me says that I do not need communication with anyone right now, no matter how much I internally feel that I need it. And, in the end, I would prefer to be alone than to trust someone again, to have this state that I have now again.


I remembered one song, and I think it’s about her now…

“There’s a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Although we won’t ever meet, I’ll remember your name

Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don’t think I can
So fuck you anyway”

Bird

Our relationships with people are like trying to light a fire with a lighter. It seems to burn, as if you see a flame. But, in the end, it is not yellow, but blue. And somehow it quickly goes out. I am not even talking about relationships or communication, but rather about trying to replace one person with another. And so there are two options – either what was there besides paper will catch fire faster than alcohol will run out (funny, just like in life and relationships with people), and the fire will burn – or you will be left with a bunch of cigarette butts that you will not know what to do with.

My fire inside will still burn out, or rather not like that – I will still burn out from the inside, because there is something smoldering. I will go in and refresh the page, hoping to see something – but I already know that it is in vain. And in vain not because, in vain, because I understood the whole secret. And it consisted in the fact that, probably, the whole trick was precisely in the idea of ​​somehow getting me out of my mind, provoking me. So that I would do what I should have done, but what I didn’t do. Because sometimes people need this provocation to stay white and fluffy. So that they don’t ruin something. So that later they have the opportunity to say that “it’s not me, but you”. A wonderful excuse for someone, although I’m used to hanging all my shit like laundry, and not covering up certain moments for which I should be ashamed.

Love will burn out like alcohol,
In the end, without leaving a single one
A bird won’t fly into the sky,
A ship won’t sail beyond alone.

The world as will and representation

It will not be about Arthur Schopenhauer’s book, but about what I observe around me.
The fact is that today two interesting people subscribed to me. I knew one of them before, and I was pleasantly surprised that she wrote me a private message. I was interested in the person’s thoughts and creativity. And I could only dream that one day she would want to communicate like that. But here we are. Exchanging thoughts about emotions and communication in the messenger.
I found the second person on Deviant and I liked her creativity. I could not believe that she would add me on Instagram. And I take it as an honor.

If we go back to our previous days and thoughts, it turns out that… karma turned on me on the bright side? During these few days that I haven’t communicated with her, I have found many interesting people, received communication in private messages with several new people and this communication continues, my works are commented on and liked, and I feel this interaction with people. There is a certain feeling that that communication was for me not so much as inspiration, but as a cage in which I was tied to one person, on whom I was dependent. But here I am. I breathe freely and move on. I find a response in other hearts, I continue to create new works. And although most of them are echoes of that separation from a person – I move on. And it is difficult for me to somehow comprehend and put an end to what it was – that communication. What was it then for me, if now I am starting to breathe more and more widely every day? And who of us needed more – me for her, or she for me.

This is a strange story and I will be experiencing it and covering it in my work for a long time, but I am no longer so scared because I lost my interlocutor and friend. However… can a person who blocked you be a friend?..

Drop by drop

Once I was acquainted with a girl from whom I received a “signature”. She cost me a laptop. We agreed that when she received the laptop – she would send me money. But she never sent it to me. I trusted her very much, and… this trust cost money. But that’s not the point. She had a signature under a nickname. The phrase. “When all the rats ran away – the ship stopped sinking”. I remembered it for two reasons. The first of them – because it corresponded to what she did. The second – because it is a really “working” phrase.

When something changes a lot in our lives – it is not always about the minus. I was disappointed that I would no longer have an interlocutor, and I began to look at the work of other people. With this person, I did not pay attention to others, because one person is enough for me. Is there much space in my heart? I always said that “… there will be enough for one more person”. In fact, there is even a little more of it now. And I was joined by different people whose creativity I appreciated. They leave comments under my works. They like what I create. They talk to me. And instead of one person who inspires me, I got more. And each of them is very valuable to me. Not because they like what I do – but because I really like their creativity.

Thank you to everyone who surrounds me these days – you make my world better, and I will try to make yours too!

This is probably a strange post on the third day after the “breakup”, but it is true. I am healed by work and the people around me. Thank you!

Not difficult

It’s not hard to find someone you can give love and warmth to. Encourage. Be a light. And they can shine in return. It’s much harder to find someone who will be fascinated by you. Well. It may be hard for a while, but that doesn’t mean I’ll sit around and be sad. I’ll just find someone else to support.