Inedible Beauty
Saint Creature They are (supposedly) inedible, but oh…how beautiful!
Why Not?
I am haunted by Vinny’s words that she is scared of my hobby of dressing up as a woman. I explained to her and we understood each other that this is not a hobby of dressing up, but about creating an image that I use for shooting. That is, I need a model – and I become one. But the internal “yin-yang” are constantly dissatisfied with something, and this happened here too, when I was lying in the bathroom yesterday after creativity and thinking that… I can’t stand my dirty (after work) hands.
I feel like some kind of a wimp who walks around in torn clothes, constantly drunk, dirty. Inside, I felt disgusted by the understanding that I cannot make myself “gender neutral” after work – that is, a simple man with just clean, trimmed nails. And I went from the opposite – if there is something that gives me away as “too manly”, something should be opposed to it. So I decided to try painting my nails. Not in the sense of doing a manicure, painting everything in one colour. No. I’m talking about decorating. Today, as an example, I painted half of two nails on each hand. Because I thought it would be interesting that it would look painted on one side, and on the other “with a hint” of the fact that I cracked my fingers with a hammer somewhere, and the nail turned black.
This doesn’t mean that I will constantly and every day come up with something new – no. But if I have a desire, or if there is some design idea – I will implement it. Because this is me – it is a part of me.
I am increasingly reminded of Dizzy from Guilty Gear. I even had the idea of getting a tattoo with her, on one half of the wing where Necro is, write “Saint”, on the other with Undine – “Crea”. Who knows, maybe someday…
I Am Under Water
The idea for this work arose almost immediately when I saw the video for the song Breathe by the band Glass Bridges.
The Law of Equivalent Exchange
I would like to apply “The Law of Equivalent Exchange” to relationships between people. It is easy to use in this area, because in order to fully replace a person, you should not just switch to another or find another communication – this person should evoke in you the same emotions that the previous one evokes, and what you get from him should also be no less than what you received from the previous one. Under any other circumstances, this is just a “colouring of colours”, which mixes feelings, but does not give the same result.
Is it destructive to trust another person? Yes, more than! Because the more we trust someone, the more sadness will come to us from the understanding that the person did not share this trust. And in general, most people should not be trusted too much, because… they still remain people.
I think that any individual relationship is unique in itself. Because it is a certain chemistry. And this chemistry cannot be transferred to any other plane. The similarity of names, habits, musical tastes of two people does not give us a similar experience from communicating with them. Therefore, it is impossible to replace someone with someone. And what is the result? The result is a hole that remains in us from meeting a new person. Over time, this hole has a chance to heal a little, but the experience from interaction remains with us forever. Like a scar from a bullet that hit us. Only the bullet remains in us physically, and people remain in our thoughts.
A significant part of me says that I do not need communication with anyone right now, no matter how much I internally feel that I need it. And, in the end, I would prefer to be alone than to trust someone again, to have this state that I have now again.
I remembered one song, and I think it’s about her now…
“There’s a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Although we won’t ever meet, I’ll remember your name
Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don’t think I can
So fuck you anyway”
Watched Psycho (1960)
A relatively long time ago, we watched the series “Bates Motel”, the story of which was based on the book by Robert Bloch. In turn, the series itself was based on the 1960 film, which will be discussed. Is it worth watching the film after the series?.. Read More
Your mom say “You can change your face but the pain won’t go away”
There are situations when you can easily explain something to your brain, but there are other damn organs that it doesn’t reach.
“There is no such thing as love in LAPlastic people don’t got nothing to sayThey’re judging me, I’m judging youWe ain’t got nothing else to doThere’s no such thing as love in LA”(с)Palaye Royale
We-we Watered the Flowers With Gasoline
“We-we watered the flowers with gasoline
Now everything’s dying in front of me
I fell in the fire
I love you but I’ll never say so..”(c)Rain City Drive Read More
Boat
Interestingly, when I was looking for these things – they had two purposes. The first of them is for securing a boat. The second is for securing cattle. So, when I fix this on the wall and tie myself to it – I will be something between… a boat and cattle. Am I the only one who sees a figure with a cow’s head in a boat?..
Something better (Than You)
Well. As you can see from the work – I’m a bit bloodied, but still alive 🙂 Read More
Drop by drop
Once I was acquainted with a girl from whom I received a “signature”. She cost me a laptop. We agreed that when she received the laptop – she would send me money. But she never sent it to me. I trusted her very much, and… this trust cost money. But that’s not the point. She had a signature under a nickname. The phrase. “When all the rats ran away – the ship stopped sinking”. I remembered it for two reasons. The first of them – because it corresponded to what she did. The second – because it is a really “working” phrase.
When something changes a lot in our lives – it is not always about the minus. I was disappointed that I would no longer have an interlocutor, and I began to look at the work of other people. With this person, I did not pay attention to others, because one person is enough for me. Is there much space in my heart? I always said that “… there will be enough for one more person”. In fact, there is even a little more of it now. And I was joined by different people whose creativity I appreciated. They leave comments under my works. They like what I create. They talk to me. And instead of one person who inspires me, I got more. And each of them is very valuable to me. Not because they like what I do – but because I really like their creativity.
Thank you to everyone who surrounds me these days – you make my world better, and I will try to make yours too!
This is probably a strange post on the third day after the “breakup”, but it is true. I am healed by work and the people around me. Thank you!