Thoughts

Plans are…

There is such an idea as “brainstorming”, when various, even the strangest ideas are expressed, and in them you try to find something ingenious that will help you develop. And it feels like now, considering the most diverse options, we are looking for our own path and our own method. Choosing even from those options that seemed (or still seem) unlikely. But what is probability, anyway? The question is only how much you are ready to go to the goal.

It should be admitted that we looked at the example of Czech courses and came to the conclusion that we will not be able to learn a language, which in places is the complete opposite of Ukrainian in terms of the meaning of words, not to mention the alphabet with the pronunciation of letters, which, together with certain exceptions and rules, make learning the language as difficult as learning German or French. However, I think the Czech Republic will not lose much if we do not get there because of this. Although this seemed to be the best sense and the best place to move. But now in our life there is such a dynamic that plans change every week because the information we learn about changes. So…

I think that we will still start to deepen our knowledge of English, and then this path will lead us somewhere. Either in terms of work, or in terms of the country where we will move. Is there anything holding us back now? In general, no. The choice is ours

Translation complexity

I guess I want more from Czech than from English. Because I understand it in the text, I understand most of what it is about, but I can’t express my thoughts myself. But if the experience with Czech is successful, I think I will take up English along the way. Exclusively for myself. Because…did I decide to blog in it for nothing? Haha…

I don’t think this path will be an easy walk. Especially for me. But if I learned those damn military duties that I didn’t like at all, wouldn’t I be able to learn something that interests me and will really help me in life? I know that Polish would be easier to learn. And that, in general, the Czech Republic and Poland are similar (from my current point of view) countries, but no. I want to know Czech. And fluently. Understand, speak, think. Doesn’t that make you a person worthy of being called a local?

We cannot choose the country where we are born, but choosing the country where we live is our, exclusively personal, right. And this is the main thing. Leave the tales about “patriotism” to yourself. Tell about it to your authorities, who wipe their feet on the flag of your country…

No Money Art

I think that creativity should be, at least partially, without money at all. And you should understand that it will not help you do something in life, but… you have to do something for it. Sacrifice something.

Creativity not for money is like charity. You give something to the world without demanding anything in return. Is it worth anything? I don’t know…

In my life, I have helped many people without mutual benefit. I have done many things not for money. In the end, it is difficult to say whether it was somehow returned. More likely not. Did I want it to be returned somehow? It is difficult to say. Sometimes you just need support. Not money. Support. But you don’t find it. I like to go to extremes in such moments and go somewhere. So that someone will pretend that it doesn’t matter to them. In fact… in fact, I think it doesn’t matter to these people.

Sometimes more than at other times, I feel that the world has abandoned me. Sometimes it’s harder than other times. In general, with the war around you, you have the feeling that almost everyone has died. There are no sales, no friends, no communication. You are alone with this harsh world. Such are the prospects for happiness and a healthy life…

The divergence of planets

If you imagine our life as a universe, and people as planets – over time, different bodies approach each other, and then, on the contrary, move away. And you, literally with your own hands, see how this happens around you. How people with whom you saw a common vision and things begin to perceive differently what you do. And you come to understand that your worlds, or the universe, are changing. Everyone changes at a different speed. Is this critical?

I used to be very sad because of the thoughts that something could change, you could stop communicating with someone, someone could disappear from your life. Now there is an understanding that in most cases there are those who are “here and now”. You either become related to them and move on, or… everyone has their own path and their own universe.

Perhaps this was the perception earlier that with moving, people and contacts that were there would be lost. Because you will become useless to anyone on the one hand, and on the other – everyone will become useless to you. You will have a new circle of friends, new faces around you. Your own reality. And this is more of a plus than a minus. Because the new reality will perceive you as new. From my feed on Facebook, I see how they don’t perceive me and I see that this me is not needed by those who needed that one. And there haven’t been any major changes yet. I haven’t had a few more piercings in my other ear, tattoos, and in general, most of me still lives “behind the screen”.

I just want to live and not think about how people will perceive your appearance or your creativity. So as not to even bother with all this… that’s why I want to move…

The screeching of the hard disk was reminiscent of the past.

I connected an old hard drive to my computer, I needed to find a license key for a plugin. I came across old archives – music I listened to back then, a few photos…why do we cling to the old?..

The further you go, the more you resemble that meme when “the boy Kolya is 30 years old, and he still hasn’t decided what he wants to be when he grows up.” Apparently the question isn’t even who he wants to be, but rather who he doesn’t want to be, looking at others who are “over 30”.

When you look at vacancies – you have a constant feeling that “this is not the job for you, this is not about you”. Because you understand what kind of work it will be for 10-12 hours a day. On the other hand…what have you achieved? You missed all the opportunity to invest in something to be higher and better than what they can offer you now. You don’t have a fat paw up your ass that will pull you somewhere, so…what were you expecting?..

At such moments, it seems that you will just stay where you are and continue to do the same thing as before. Because then you will at least have free time. Otherwise…

I would like to do the same direction that I do now – repairing equipment, but everywhere only packers, assemblers, and other warehouse workers are needed. Which is sad. But how is it. Pros? You can get 2000-2500 euros without thinking about some courses and learning languages. But how long will you last in such a job when you don’t see life in general? Someone for a long time. Me?..I wouldn’t want to abandon the blog, photography, and just work for money. Because why do you need such a thing?..but there are not many other options now. So let’s think…

Someone gets the opportunity to go somewhere and they’ll arrange it for them, and someone…someone has to find their own place..

Background of the Soul

Do all people see or hear things the same way? At one time, I thought that there are people who may not like someone, but I find something nice in them. And I thought that only I see this and no one else. Over time, I came to understand that my perception is the same average as that of others, accordingly, any person from the same class of the population will perceive a particular person, most likely, in the same way as I do. Music is another matter.

When I was driving today and listening to a song, I thought that I don’t know how someone else could perceive it? Because for him it will sound completely different and in a completely different form. He will not see the same meanings as me, it will even annoy someone. And what we like in music may be very unpleasant for someone else. Many people don’t think about this, but… we are not one of those, are we? 🙂

With all this, I came to the conclusion that I created a world for myself in which certain things are interconnected, which is why I can easily type posts like this while listening to my playlist, and I can’t collect my thoughts if some YouTube video or something else is playing in the background. Because this music is a part of me and it is the “background of the soul”. It can only be understood by you, because it’s like your own house and someone else’s – you can only feel “at home” in your own place, and such a phrase as “feel at home” loses all meaning, because you can’t feel like you’re used to somewhere else.

I think it would be great if we could let someone listen to our playlist and it gave us the opportunity to see the world through our eyes. To understand our perception. But, unfortunately, although it works, it is in very exceptional cases. Otherwise, our music, thoughts, and world will always remain just our “home,” in which others will feel uncomfortable.

Black hole

It seems like there’s too much time, but for some reason there’s not enough of it for anything. It’s like you’re doing your daily chores, trying to get everything done, but in fact…in fact, the main thing is to improve your health.

I don’t like periods when I can’t control my physical condition. That is, I don’t understand how to get out of the hole I’ve found myself in. So let’s try to get treated as prescribed by the doctor, and then we’ll see. Because everything is “not quite” as we would like.

I’m trying to keep two blogs, Pulse (where I try to win contests), Deviant, I don’t even look at Reddit anymore. I postpone posts a little bit. I don’t have the strength or the opportunity to write new ones right now, but I still do them from time to time. I have a lot of things to do and I need to get everything done, but…there are always some “buts”.

Money has become a little easier, which is very pleasing. By the end of March, I would like to close the money issue and move forward. Because too many debts have accumulated. Is it realistic to pull out all the plans? I hope so. There is still time, but I hope for some “luck”. Maybe life will give me the same chance? Maybe at least once?..

Each evening has its own plan

Every evening, when my time comes, I have my own plan for it. That is, I plan what I will do for the next few hours. Sometimes it is posting photos on websites, sometimes repairing something. I have plans to film a video of repairing a camera and this will probably be the first video on the channel. The first video for an article. This is a laborious process, so I put it off until last. Today I restored the battery of a screwdriver. The process went well, although it was the first time. I also managed to shoot a micro-video with a tentacle for a post on the main blog and also took a few photos with it. But that’s not what this is about.

I planned these thoughts, and I’m trying to collect them. I found a person, and it almost ended with a breakdown in the spirit of “deleting Facebook” (well… you know. I have this happen to me. Or not? Oh…). But I didn’t. Because it’s pointless now. I think the best option is to develop these relationships. For many reasons “why”. It is appropriate to mention Placebo:

“Time will help you through
But it doesn’t have the time
To give you all the answers
To the never-ending why”

I can’t explain why you shouldn’t impose yourself on someone. Maybe that’s why it’s perceived as an imposition? I think so.

I don’t deserve new people with my current perception of other people. Because I think more than usual about what I can get “in the near future”. But the question should be asked differently – what can I give? And this is the main question that I can’t answer.

The other side of the question has always been that people need exactly the little that you can give – sincere interest, words of encouragement. When you are interested in what a person writes simply because you are really interested.

An eternal struggle with myself. I am learning to be a Creature. Not to make the mistakes that I would have made before, and to listen more to my inner voice.

The face is tense – a devastated smile

I look exhausted. And old. This situation with the lack of income is taking a toll on my health, especially today. It’s nice to think that you still have a chance and opportunities, but now I see that both chance and opportunities have been taken away from me. This country has taken away both of those things from me. It makes me want to just take a ticket with my last money and go somewhere else, look for another, better life. What will it be? Probably, any one will be better now. Simply because I’m tired of living the way I am now, depending on… people. If no one buys anything from you – no one needs you. I’m not sure that we will be able to go to my nephews in the spring, since for now, literally, there is no money even for food. Of course, there is something to sell and close the issue “for now”, but I don’t want to stay here any longer. Because without free income – I have nothing here. Absolutely. We have a house, but it has no meaning or value if you can’t pay for its maintenance, and that’s exactly what it’s going to do now. And I see how this country, having drunk the juices out of people, has taken away my ability to buy something. Others are suffering – I’m suffering too. And I don’t want to think about what it will be like there after the war and in general. I just want not to think about this country at all. Because it has taught me only that it constantly takes something away…