People

Unconditional Love

I discovered the term “unconditional love” for myself. I wanted to convey a thought that is spinning in my head, but there is something that is inside you, but is not in words. And this very term reflects it at least a little. What if we remove the desire to own a person? That is, the term itself can be about different types of ownership. For example, we can rent a car, or buy and own it ourselves, or borrow it from someone. It’s still owning a car, no matter how you say it. But what is “owning a person”? Sashka said today “it would be interesting how a friend would react if some girl sent her husband a nude photo (although not hers)” to the fact that I received this same photo. And this is one side of unconditional love, which is based on trust.

From the opposite, no matter how difficult it is, but you always have to understand what will be more useful for the other person. What will be better for her. And proceed from her desire. And I can get attached to someone as much as I want, but at the same time I want the person to find their happiness with someone. You understand that in this case you will not have communication and, perhaps, there will be no time left for you. But this is precisely what this “unconditionality” is all about. That is, when you love a person not in order to get married, “sleep with them” or something else. You want a certain entity to be in the most comfortable conditions. At the same time, not wanting to get something back.

This is a rather difficult path, because you need to simultaneously respect and appreciate someone’s needs, not forget about your own needs, and balance in this universe between-between.

The world dictates to us the rules that we always have to own something. That everything has a price and every thing or person is either ours or someone else’s. Without any “buts”. Because without these rules there will be no marketing. There will be no competition. It’s like she writes that “we talked and talked until we saw old photos. You show yourself as you are – communication disappears.” Because people need an image. People need what they have drawn for themselves. They don’t need a person with their needs and problems. They need a picture. “Fucking”, if you like. Otherwise they are not interested.

The world is completely made up of marketing, and it pisses me off…

Come to your senses

In the Ukrainian language there is a word “схаменутись”, which in English sounds like “to come to your senses”. It sometimes reminds me of Chinese, when one word in one language conveys more depth than a few words in another. It’s like just kissing someone instead of a few words, conveying the whole essence of the thought.

I was wondering the other day if this isn’t my stopping point. Isn’t it the moment, isn’t it the environment? Aren’t it the people around me when I should come to my senses and stop searching? And here you can say that this is the beginning and the end. Because you can’t stop and stop life at some point. The world is dynamic. It decides what you will have and when and with whom. The world exists in many planes simultaneously, where each person has their own universe, the events in which affect other universes. To convey the idea more clearly – it’s like the moment when you study in college and you have friends, a company. Over time, you graduate and everyone runs away. The number of variables becomes such that you can’t physically continue to exist in the same plane. In this sense, it’s funny to watch stories from movies, when there is such a term as “college friends”, who interact even after a decade or a half. I wonder, do you, readers of this blog, have many friends from college or university? Huh?..

You can see the whole universe in a person or anything, but usually the more you see in someone, the further they become from you. So you should always keep some distance. You should always have backup options. You should always remember that the world is too changeable to believe in anything in the plane of time. And while some people think about how infinite the universe as a whole is, I narrow it down to the people around you, and try to understand how these small bodies work. Because only by understanding where it all begins can you find out how it all ends.

 

Only happy when…

There are several interesting facts related to each other. The first of them was that this song/work was dedicated to her. In the full sense. It sounded something like “I’m happy only when we communicate”. I guess I should admit it.

The second interesting fact is that I am still blocked on Devi. Yes, I got curious, I checked – now I am blocked. And for some reason this makes me happy. Because it connects all the dots and no “accidentally liked”. It’s convenient when you are not the one who blocks. So as not to save it somewhere in the lists.

The third is “replacement syndrome”. Because I completely replaced the person who disappeared from my life with others. With someone I communicate pleasantly and share a worldview. With someone we are mutually inspired by creativity, and this is valuable. I love them and what they create.

I have come a long way and am leaving this sadness behind. With a pure heart and a sense of completion. When a person doesn’t just appear in your life by some random chance. So…now I’m “happy not only when it rains”.

Fun Fiction

Once, in a conversation with her about her feelings after moving, she quoted the movie “Green Book”. In general, the term “Green Book” itself is about a guide for black people, which lists safe places where they could stay for the night. And, in fact, the quote from the movie sounded like “I’m not black enough for blacks and not white enough for whites”. And today I somehow tried it on myself. Apparently, I’m not straight enough for straight, but also not enough…anyone else for someone? Apparently. I don’t use “them/they” in everyday life, not in general. I don’t want to get hung up on something like that. Sometimes I think about what it’s like to be with someone of the same sex, but the problem is that in our country, men are not about sexuality, but about dirt, sloppiness, an unpleasant smell. That is, you can’t somehow visualize this character, if only because you simply don’t have any source from which to draw.

When I put, for example, people I know – the picture comes out too stupid, to be honest. Because I don’t like these people. They don’t evoke anything in me. In my life, there have probably only been a few people who would evoke something. But usually they are very distant.

I don’t want to speculate about anything. As life goes on, so it will be. I guess I’m just too picky. I guess these are strange considerations from a married man. But I perceive it all differently. It’s like a fan fiction for some story.

Every New Day

It’s interesting that the abbreviation of the title of today’s post sounds like END, although I didn’t intend it.

Now, during every communication, I ask myself – what will I feel when it ends? What emotions will I have? I also asked myself about this communication. But I don’t feel anything. It would be appropriate to say that it was neutral. There were good sides, there were negative ones. I allowed the person to freely express his opinion about the things I shared with him. Often, this person expressed himself negatively about these things. But not in the sense of “don’t show me anymore”, but “show me, but I will tell you that it’s bad”. And it started to bother me. For her, it was a feeling that “everyone has their own opinion”, for me… I didn’t pour shit on what she shared. I either kept quiet if I didn’t like it, or in some mild form said that it was “simple”.

She helped me get rid of one person, I helped her get rid of another. I think that’s where our goals in each other’s lives end.