Admiring scars and pretty little wounds..
Saint Creature ..It’s only real if it scars you.. Read More
People
The Law of Equivalent Exchange
I would like to apply “The Law of Equivalent Exchange” to relationships between people. It is easy to use in this area, because in order to fully replace a person, you should not just switch to another or find another communication – this person should evoke in you the same emotions that the previous one evokes, and what you get from him should also be no less than what you received from the previous one. Under any other circumstances, this is just a “colouring of colours”, which mixes feelings, but does not give the same result.
Is it destructive to trust another person? Yes, more than! Because the more we trust someone, the more sadness will come to us from the understanding that the person did not share this trust. And in general, most people should not be trusted too much, because… they still remain people.
I think that any individual relationship is unique in itself. Because it is a certain chemistry. And this chemistry cannot be transferred to any other plane. The similarity of names, habits, musical tastes of two people does not give us a similar experience from communicating with them. Therefore, it is impossible to replace someone with someone. And what is the result? The result is a hole that remains in us from meeting a new person. Over time, this hole has a chance to heal a little, but the experience from interaction remains with us forever. Like a scar from a bullet that hit us. Only the bullet remains in us physically, and people remain in our thoughts.
A significant part of me says that I do not need communication with anyone right now, no matter how much I internally feel that I need it. And, in the end, I would prefer to be alone than to trust someone again, to have this state that I have now again.
I remembered one song, and I think it’s about her now…
“There’s a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Although we won’t ever meet, I’ll remember your name
Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don’t think I can
So fuck you anyway”
Bird
Our relationships with people are like trying to light a fire with a lighter. It seems to burn, as if you see a flame. But, in the end, it is not yellow, but blue. And somehow it quickly goes out. I am not even talking about relationships or communication, but rather about trying to replace one person with another. And so there are two options – either what was there besides paper will catch fire faster than alcohol will run out (funny, just like in life and relationships with people), and the fire will burn – or you will be left with a bunch of cigarette butts that you will not know what to do with.
My fire inside will still burn out, or rather not like that – I will still burn out from the inside, because there is something smoldering. I will go in and refresh the page, hoping to see something – but I already know that it is in vain. And in vain not because, in vain, because I understood the whole secret. And it consisted in the fact that, probably, the whole trick was precisely in the idea of somehow getting me out of my mind, provoking me. So that I would do what I should have done, but what I didn’t do. Because sometimes people need this provocation to stay white and fluffy. So that they don’t ruin something. So that later they have the opportunity to say that “it’s not me, but you”. A wonderful excuse for someone, although I’m used to hanging all my shit like laundry, and not covering up certain moments for which I should be ashamed.
Love will burn out like alcohol,
In the end, without leaving a single one
A bird won’t fly into the sky,
A ship won’t sail beyond alone.
Drop by drop
Once I was acquainted with a girl from whom I received a “signature”. She cost me a laptop. We agreed that when she received the laptop – she would send me money. But she never sent it to me. I trusted her very much, and… this trust cost money. But that’s not the point. She had a signature under a nickname. The phrase. “When all the rats ran away – the ship stopped sinking”. I remembered it for two reasons. The first of them – because it corresponded to what she did. The second – because it is a really “working” phrase.
When something changes a lot in our lives – it is not always about the minus. I was disappointed that I would no longer have an interlocutor, and I began to look at the work of other people. With this person, I did not pay attention to others, because one person is enough for me. Is there much space in my heart? I always said that “… there will be enough for one more person”. In fact, there is even a little more of it now. And I was joined by different people whose creativity I appreciated. They leave comments under my works. They like what I create. They talk to me. And instead of one person who inspires me, I got more. And each of them is very valuable to me. Not because they like what I do – but because I really like their creativity.
Thank you to everyone who surrounds me these days – you make my world better, and I will try to make yours too!
This is probably a strange post on the third day after the “breakup”, but it is true. I am healed by work and the people around me. Thank you!
Stay
I didn’t have time to write anything before she blocked me. So…I’ll do it here. I don’t think she’ll ever read or see this, just let it be here. Read More
Not difficult
It’s not hard to find someone you can give love and warmth to. Encourage. Be a light. And they can shine in return. It’s much harder to find someone who will be fascinated by you. Well. It may be hard for a while, but that doesn’t mean I’ll sit around and be sad. I’ll just find someone else to support.
Hurt
I don’t think it was love on her part. More like a desire to have a toy that she could manipulate. That she could play with and throw away, like she used to with other people. She says that she’s in pain and that I don’t know what can hurt her and what can’t – and…I do. I know what can hurt her and what can’t. But she never knew what could hurt me. So…sad, sorry, but it is what it is. Let’s move on. Sometimes you shouldn’t let people so deeply into your heart and your world…
It’s sad that I’m going to “fail” for a while. Because such things don’t go unnoticed by our soul and heart. But this is just another person who wanted to make me uncomfortable and… she succeeded.
If you were dead or still alive…
Actually, I thought this communication would last longer, because I found some good sides, some pluses. I got used to the person in general. But… Read More
Studying behavior
Sometimes it seems to me that they tell me certain things to evoke some emotion. Jealousy? Maybe. Although it is unlikely to be as deep as I am thinking about it now. Because if you are jealous – you are already hooked. But I would not want to be hooked.
If you think about the question “What does a woman want?” – you will find the answer in a simple “Everything and immediately”. To be loved by everyone, to be given attention. She wants to be seen and done first. To be recognized by everyone as the best. And she will try. Will try to be better in sex, in cooking, in leisure. It will be important for her to fill any empty niche where she can get. But what if the niches are already filled?
There are things that we do subconsciously. That is, not because of some grand plan. But simply because we do them without even thinking about them. And in communication I have become very careful. Because I see the mines that are being planted for me. You can be too frank with someone, but one fine day this frankness of yours will stab you in the back with a knife. And this is not about trust. This is about human nature. Human essence.
I get tired of games – and this is a fact. There comes a moment when I stop understanding why exactly I play this game.
When I ask myself – what does she need, I understand what exactly. This makes me sad. Because she needs emotion. Feelings. This is energy vampirism, just in a different form. And the only question is – how much will I agree with it.
I walk this empty street..
…On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
There are cases when you can understand my mood from the lyrics of the song I attached. So I warn you right away that the opposite is the case here 🙂
The situation has leveled out, and I call it “friendly love”, when you treat a person as a brother or sister. With some warmth in your soul and in a calm state. In general, it resembles some kind of disease that you have to get over. Sometimes the condition improves, sometimes it worsens. And two options – either you die, or you recover and will be stronger. This immunity will not be for other people or a similar situation. But it will allow you to feel comfortable in the conditions that you are in now.
In fact, I am glad that everything is like this. And if in marriage there are certain “critical” years, then in my friendship with someone these are, more often, critical months or weeks. If you get through them – it is easier for you. I perceive people and situations more easily. And this is better for everyone. So… a warm journey for us in our relationships. She is a very kind and close person, and I feel it. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say this – she is as close now as she can be and can afford to be. And we also have interesting musical tastes 🙂