Baby, I wear it like a choker (Love&Hate)

She sits there in silence, she’s too scared to speak…

“…Fighting off the violent thoughts inside her head this week
She’ll never run away from the memories
Nobody can tell that she’s suffering
And she still gets dressed up, even though she’s messed up

(Ah, ah) How many times is this gonna happen?
(Ah, ah) Are we gonna cry alone in the bathroom?..”(с)SkyDxddy

Choker – is a composition that has been playing in a circle in my head for some time. I perceive it as a song about how you always put on a suit that they want to see you wearing. What you should be for others. Becoming their slave. It’s about many situations in which, choosing between yourself and society, you choose society. Because it seems to you that there is nothing more terrible than being yourself, but alone.

In this work, I again used a thermal printer to print a “choker”. I don’t remember what exactly I was looking for, it seems to be some words like “weakness, hopelessness”, and so on. Well… you know. There are such clouds with such words. I wrote the words “Love” and “Hate” and what I got was what I reflected in my style – when love and hatred are combined in one word.

My unsuccessful experiments with eyeliner (damn…again, that Paparazzi thing is playing in my head…) ended with me sending it all to hell and saying “Sa will find her way in makeup!” – and I found it. Why not make eyeliner with regular blue makeup? And I like this idea. Drawing on myself. In my previous work, I used real eyeshadow, but “in my own way”. Here I got by with red lipstick and makeup in three colours. Tears are harder to draw than hearts. It’s strange, because in life it’s the other way around

The work was without colour in the original. But when I tried to change something in the editor, the image turned pink. And I thought that this is a good allegory on the theme of “rose-coloured glasses”.

“I can’t go anywhere without it, it’s a part of me
I just don’t know how to recharge my social battery
Kicking and screaming, thank god that you can’t see it
I’m dizzy from the feeling, I’m dying but still breathing

No one knows, no one sees, but I feel it tightening
Baby, I wear it like a choker, I wear it like a choker
In my bones hidden deep, this anxiety in me
Baby, I wear it like a choker, I wear it like a choker..”