A difficult year

The post is filled with a bunch of red flags, so… it’s not recommended for anyone to read.

I love symbolism. The middle of 2026 became a meridian not only for the year, but also for my life. A relationship that lasted 14 years physically and 11 years technically (marriage) ended. Sometimes there comes a moment after which you understand that, as in the song Vlada, “you didn’t think it would happen – we’ve been going the wrong way for a long time,” and it’s time to get out of this vicious circle and move on. Where is the red flag?

The first was that we continue to communicate, and more than that – today I made a post about repairing a wall – it’s… exactly, in the house where we lived together. The best thing you can do when you get out of a marriage is to remain friends. Exclusively friends. Without any “privileges”. Firstly, I don’t like that, and secondly, there are reasons why the very idea of ​​intimacy has become impossible. But that’s not what we’re talking about. By the way, the plus of our marriage was the fact that during this time no one cheated on anyone. S – stability.

When I got out of the marriage, I left everything to my wife. That is, the house was not “divided into two”, and the acquired property. I took with me only the tools with which I could earn a living and transportation for the same purpose. Because it seemed fair to me. Where is the red flag here? Well… we still drive together and clean chimneys. Plus, I help her with trade (one of the types of earnings that was there before), accordingly the income is shared. That is, in terms of earnings, we also still interact. It seems that there are several red flags here at once, right?..

God knows what red flag was that…at the moment I live in my mother’s house (no, it’s not the same as living with my mother), I’m looking after it, bringing it to its senses. No one has lived here for seven years and there are a lot of issues, such as replacing the toilet, repairing the chimney, plastering the walls, and so on. In the future, it will be mine, but I would just like to have the opportunity to buy my own over time. In the meantime…we’re decorating what we have and improving the conditions.

In the house where my wife and I lived, I made a backup water system, the heating was both stove (the whole house was heated, not my fault) and gas. The backup power supply, which I made myself, allowed us to live in comfortable conditions (refrigerator, internet, heating) for several days and not think about turning off the power. In extreme cases, there was a generator to charge all the batteries in two hours and continue living in comfort. Half of the house had “smart lighting”, when the lights in the main rooms such as the kitchen, bathroom, hallway turned on automatically. C – convenience. I like to create comfort.

The place where I live now has all the basic conditions (a toilet, of course, in the house, a shower, of course, in the same place), but there are also issues that need to be addressed. The refrigerator is old and in order for it to survive the winter on backup power… it is easier to replace it. Modern inverters consume much less electricity. And are more loyal to battery power. You need to lay out the wiring for backup power. Insulate the chimney of the gas boiler. Order firewood for the off-season. Put a filter on the water, roller blinds on the windows day and night. Assemble a backup power battery for 1.7-3.5 kW. I don’t dream of a bathtub instead of a shower this year. But I will get some appliances. It’s strange to perceive the need to buy things when internally you say to yourself “yes..you live in our house…it’s…it’s…” – no. Not in ours. “Us” remained in the old house. You are in a new reality, which you will have to fill with something of your own.

It’s great, on the one hand. You have so many possibilities…so many chances. This applies to both the house and the people. The person you can be with. You remind yourself of a child in a toy store, or rather, candy. But you should remember that not all candy is edible for you. Moreover, half of the “candy” will see a bunch of red flags in the post and disappear. It has already happened. They write “be honest”, but your “honesty” ends in silence. Sometimes after you say that “you haven’t divorced yet because your wife had problems with her eyes (retinal detachment), and she needed an urgent operation, and you don’t want to run to the registry office to write a statement with a half-blind person”. Sometimes after you tell about the reasons for your discharge from military service (suicide attempt, rehabilitation, diagnosis..). And if you think about it, I could just post this very “red flag” instead of a photo. But I think that’s not me.

I’m a straight person, and, sorry, I’m uncomfortable when people whine about their need for your honesty, openness. And to others… because openness = silence. Openness = emptiness. Openness = ignore. To build a wonderful relationship, you… have to lie. Only then will you remain “the same..” – a picture with a bunch of pluses, without minuses. An ideal picture of an ideal man. But I see my ideality in these very “red flags.”

I didn’t abandon the person I used to love with her health problems. This is how I treat even those with whom our close paths diverge. I didn’t take away her ability to exist normally and think about where to find housing with comfortable conditions for, conditional, $10,000, but left her a house with an area of ​​115 meters and all the conditions for living. Moreover, “things”, the sale of which is equal to the cost of another half of the house. We work together, which helps with her official salary of…about $90, to have an extra income, at least until she finds herself in a more profitable direction than as an assistant to someone who cleans chimneys. And I help with the maintenance of the house that remains. Because it’s better for me to do it, knowing this house, than some conditional, “roommate”, with whom you will be just so that “someone can patch up a hole in the wall.” A “normal person” will see me as a complete “red flag.” And… that’s okay. Because I’d rather be with an abnormal person who would appreciate these character traits.

Any year during the war is difficult. A year when you live 40 km from the border does not make it easier. A year in a new house with a new reality… also does not explain to you how it will be further. But I am proud that from a person who, after the service, saw in any problem the only way out – to swallow pills, I became a person who knows that this is exactly “further” – “will be!”. And only in my own hands is what exactly it will be.

I’m tired of telling this or that person my reality. That’s probably why this post is here. It describes all the reasons why I’m a s…t. To highlight in advance my 1-2 points because of which you shouldn’t even communicate with me, not that there’s anything else…

My demons are always on the table. And yours…in you. Inside. Most of them I will never know about. Because it is a “red flag” for you to share them.