Looking for your hand, looking for some hope..
Saint Creature ..When the tide comes in we sink so low
We are drowning.. Read More
July 2025
Old Project
One of my old projects for mounting a longboard to a bike. It’s been a long time…
The enemy fell face down and fell silent, and in a year..
Flowers will bloom, grass will grow.. Read More
“In the darkness of the night, shine directly into your eyes..”
If you have something to say – speak... Read More
In the Abyss
I fill myself, but not with thoughts –
With what can only be done face to face.
I do what my mother would be ashamed of
With what I walk my whole life side by side.
I fill my emptiness within myself –
Blooming in that moment with hundreds of colours
And I don’t know whether I will heal myself more, or cripple,
In that abyss that I have imagined for myself.
It sounds better in Ukrainian, but…here everything is in English 🙂
Delivery
I always thought that tricycles were cooler than cars. Yesterday’s delivery of things – a table, a watch and two metal chairs.
Everything arrived undamaged))
It’s always interesting to watch people’s reactions when something like this is on the road. I mean, people are used to seeing some kind of crap being transported in a car. But when something this big (a rack about 2.2 meters high), it’s unusual for everyone that it can actually be brought by bicycle. I really like this trailer. There was even a post about it in the old blog. I guess I’ll have to update it. I wish I had more time for posts…
I always give a head start
Sometimes I think that (maybe) by playing with AI or trying to somehow “catch the wave” – I could achieve greater results. Not so much in creativity, but in earnings, perhaps. But I do not start moving in this direction. Sometimes I resemble an old photographer who still uses film and develops his works himself, although I am far from that. Moreover – I happily use filters and manual processing of photos, and not even in RAW (my photo editor does not support Panasonic S5), but in classic Jpeg. Would I like some kind of recognition? Probably. But not in a broad sense, but in a narrower circle – so that there are people who are interested in what I sometimes do.
I probably want creativity to remain creativity and in it I can freely reflect myself and my inner world. And I will earn a living by other methods.
Internal Rich
Although curiosity is not a sin, I’m sure in hell, Texas black bakers will “fry” (read as fuck) me for it. Because I’ve always been curious about other people’s lives. As my ex used to say – when you look in someone’s window – there’s a life in each window. So have I.
I’ve always wondered what kind of people sold the camera – so I often tried to restore the pictures to see what the owners looked like. Once I was sold a laptop that had undeleted nude photos of the girlfriend of the guy who sold it. Bingo, right? Relatively. Because I don’t care what she looked like or what she had between her legs. The experience itself is interesting. The opportunity to observe something personal. And so it was in this case. I wondered what he was interested in. I didn’t expect to find anything unusual. But, oh my God. I saw something that the church would send him to “fry” not far from me for.
Trans porn. Seriously? I asked myself if I understood correctly – yes, that’s right. However, considering what kind of model it was (whoever googles trans porn model – that’s me!) – I wouldn’t mind watching it myself, haha! My type. I’m not trans, but changing clothes today (I only wanted to take a photo of my legs, but I couldn’t resist, because I got a great combo of two types of clothes again), I wondered – I wonder how that person would perceive me in this form? I’m not interested in everything “after”, that is, it’s not about self-esteem of self-sexuality. To put it simply – I wouldn’t want to know if someone fucked me. But let’s imagine that a person comes across a video where I’m in a BDSM costume. It’s not known who I am and what. So, the theoretical chances are more than zero.
Knowing my perverted nature, I probably just want to understand, at least sometimes, that I’m not the only one like this, and that this is a kind of norm. But so far I’ve come to the conclusion that if this is the norm, then only mine 🙂
Sexuality has no gender and no restrictions. The main restrictions are in our heads. I perceive all people as they are. Because I like it when people are real with me. Rich. And I try to be the same in response.
Here’s my work, which I expected to receive. I struggled with the shadow from the camera, had to correct the colours and lighting, but…
P.S. for the sake of objectivity (I told about someone – I have to tell about myself) I myself watch various porn “according to my mood”, so porn with transsexuals did not surprise me much. I am not afraid that my “some wrong” photos will be seen by someone who knows me, because it will be a more “traumatic” experience for them than for me 🙂
Life in real time
I caught myself thinking that life is happening in real time now. Without specific plans and intentions. We are trying to find additional sources of income here and now. At the same time, we are planning a trip to the Czech Republic, which is unknown how and where it will end. With the understanding that if we go there, we have to stay, at least until we return the money invested in the trip.
The uncertainty of what will happen tomorrow, not to mention what will happen in a week, prompts us to think through every step. Look at the situation soberly, without any glasses. Choosing a path for yourself, you always try to choose the best. And it’s good to understand that your mother has no questions about why you are going, but still, go if there is a good moment. Because she understands that in the current reality any option is good, provided that what will happen will not be worse than now. This is valuable.
Sometimes I feel like I’m responsible for what happened yesterday, what’s happening today, and what’s going to happen tomorrow. That is, I’m doing three things at the same time in three time periods. Which makes me very tired, and I don’t have time for anything. I want to make a video and write a post, and do household chores, but I’m not enough for everything at once. Just physically.
Somewhere inside there is a feeling of change. That something will change soon. Seriously. Her attitude towards gays and in general made me laugh. It’s nice when a person is on the same wavelength with you. In general, understanding that you can interact with a person who has a similar worldview inspires and makes the path easier. Sometimes it seems that it would be much easier for me to understand how to act and what to do on the spot than trying to solve something from here. That on the spot I will find myself and prove myself. It often seems that people simply don’t let themselves be shown so that they can see how useful you will be to them. Because my essence is such that I always and everywhere try to be useful. And in general, only in this way can you achieve something. Only when people understand that they cannot do without you.
I do not make plans about where and when I will be, and whether I will live here or somewhere else. Recently, a poem by a famous Ukrainian poet has been mentioned more and more often. It is very much reflected inside somewhere. In the original language and translation…
“Мені однаково, чи буду
Я жить в Україні, чи ні.
Чи хто згадає, чи забуде
Мене в снігу на чужині —
Однаковісінько мені.
В неволі виріс між чужими,
І, неоплаканий своїми,
В неволі, плачучи, умру,
І все з собою заберу —
Малого сліду не покину
На нашій славній Україні,
На нашій — не своїй землі.
I не пом’яне батько з сином,
Не скаже синові: — Молись.
Молися, сину: за Вкраїну
Його замучили колись. —
Мені однаково, чи буде
Той син молитися, чи ні…
Та не однаково мені,
Як Україну злії люди
Присплять, лукаві, і в огні
Її, окраденую, збудять…
Ох, не однаково мені.”(с)Т.Г. Шевченко
“I don’t care whether
I live in Ukraine or not.
Whether anyone remembers or forgets
Me in the snow in a foreign land —
It’s all the same to me.
In captivity I grew up among strangers,
And, unlamented by my own,
In captivity, crying, I will die,
And I will take everything with me —
I will not leave a small trace
On our glorious Ukraine,
On our – not our own land.
And the father will not remember with his son,
He will not say to his son: — Pray.
Pray, son: for Ukraine
He was tortured once. —
I don’t care whether
That son will pray or not…
But only one thing is matters to me.
How evil people are destroying Ukraine.
She will be robbed and forgotten.
This one thing is matters to me.” (c) T.H. Shevchenko
Success Line
I exhibit quite a lot of work, but not much of it resonates with anyone. But that’s not a reason to stop creating something. I don’t measure the relevance of my work by the number of likes. Of course, it’s good when you find like-minded people and they like your work. But I consider “success” when platforms accept your work for sale.
Now I often create something that is not just nature photography in its purest form. I compose more often. I use myself as part of my work. You might find it funny, but now platforms offer more licensing for photos of me than of all sorts of flowers or bugs that I shoot. It’s funny, strange, but I appreciate it.
I often think that I spend too little time on my work for it to bear fruit. I will try to develop this direction