Why Not?

I am haunted by Vinny’s words that she is scared of my hobby of dressing up as a woman. I explained to her and we understood each other that this is not a hobby of dressing up, but about creating an image that I use for shooting. That is, I need a model – and I become one. But the internal “yin-yang” are constantly dissatisfied with something, and this happened here too, when I was lying in the bathroom yesterday after creativity and thinking that… I can’t stand my dirty (after work) hands.

I feel like some kind of a wimp who walks around in torn clothes, constantly drunk, dirty. Inside, I felt disgusted by the understanding that I cannot make myself “gender neutral” after work – that is, a simple man with just clean, trimmed nails. And I went from the opposite – if there is something that gives me away as “too manly”, something should be opposed to it. So I decided to try painting my nails. Not in the sense of doing a manicure, painting everything in one colour. No. I’m talking about decorating. Today, as an example, I painted half of two nails on each hand. Because I thought it would be interesting that it would look painted on one side, and on the other “with a hint” of the fact that I cracked my fingers with a hammer somewhere, and the nail turned black.

This doesn’t mean that I will constantly and every day come up with something new – no. But if I have a desire, or if there is some design idea – I will implement it. Because this is me – it is a part of me.

I am increasingly reminded of Dizzy from Guilty Gear. I even had the idea of ​​getting a tattoo with her, on one half of the wing where Necro is, write “Saint”, on the other with Undine – “Crea”. Who knows, maybe someday…