Waves

In general, I didn’t want to write these thoughts here. Because, in a sense, these are thoughts about the past. But writing them where it was done before is also not the best idea. So…
You know, the past is catching up. Yes, perhaps the best way to explain the feeling is by how it is perceived now. It seemed to me that certain things would follow me longer, but now I see that some elements of the worldview are returning to their place. It’s hard to say whether it’s because of changes in life, or simply the body is recovering and returning “to the rhythm”. However… this doesn’t make life easier.

I have many fears, and one of them is to be left without money or the opportunity to exist. To follow a path in which they will choose for me, not me. And sometimes it seems that it’s all too real. Therefore, I fall into an internal panic, from which it is not always easy to get out.

It’s good when I ask myself questions and find answers to them. How will this or that be. I guess these are similar feelings to those people who change their gender, and they think about how and what will happen to them next. So in my case there is a foundation from which a structure grows. This structure is assembled from the parts that I see in myself and that I want to develop. Like that anime hero – I want to be strong, and thereby comes the understanding that changes cannot be instantaneous. Everything has its time. The only question is how this very time will be spent, and whether I will have time to do everything before the moment when I have to choose which path to take next.

To begin with, I want to develop a blog and make it a place-base. I have invested 10 years of my life in a project that I am closing myself. But the experience gained during this time gives me the opportunity to do everything differently. To do everything better. And I really hope that I will succeed. The world has shown me that if I invest a lot in something – it returns to me. So I want to invest in a blog. And I think it will lead me to the right people who will be part of the foundation. The foundation for our future life.