That’s a question not for anyone, but primarily for myself. Because I don’t know how scary, but at the same time tactile, people live?
Today I had a dream where I was sitting on a bench, with some person next to me. From the feelings of my younger years. And here is the feeling that throughout the dream you are trying to gain trust, to become closer. And as if something works out, and as if something doesn’t. And “scary” is not even about appearance, but about general energy. That is, you know, like when you see a person who wants to show something fanatically and you start to be scared not so much by what they say, but by the expression with which it happens. To put it simply – from a certain stage and to a certain extent, your attempts to make friends with someone become not “oh…hello, let’s be friends!”, but have, to some extent, signs of madness, because of which you repel people more than you attract them. Probably, that is why they say – stop wanting something, and you will get it.
In your head, people-people-people, from each of whom you know what you would get in communication if you “..still communicated”. Like a collection of Pokemon in your pocket. But it mostly resembles a cemetery where you walk past graves, clean them, bring flowers. To those who died for you while you were alive. Therefore, the body resorts to tricks and sends you people whom you cannot bury simply because they are in your head, not in your heart.
Yesterday I remembered the words of a neighbour who lost his wife some time ago. And he once mentioned to me that “..he should find a young woman”. That neighbour is not serious in any way, so I asked myself – what is it about him that would make him find a “young woman”. The question is not even “young” or “old”. Purely technically, even at my age, it is very difficult to find an interesting and like-minded interlocutor, and not someone more. Because every person has a lot of “sharp needles”. Which only become more with age. Because we begin to “know what we need”, not realizing that by doing so we come to the conclusion that we don’t need anything. Plus, having a certain experience and knowledge, fewer and fewer interesting people come across thoughts or things that you don’t know yet or haven’t yet reached. Therefore, “finding yourself” is becoming more and more difficult…
Saint Creature