I just blue myself!
Saint Creature I won a lot on eBay with two types of makeup.
Why do I need so much blue? Well…
I am Tobias from Arrested Development, and i…just blue myself! 😀
I guess it’s good to be normal…
But not for me 🙂
I think my “panda look” here could be suitable for this mask. It would be hard to wash off the paint later. But it would be worth it. It’s a pity that I don’t have black makeup on hand. Maybe it would be easier with it 🙂
Bars in heads
It’s interesting that at one time, when I was taking “naked pictures”, I was scared that someone would see me, recognize not only me, but even the appearance of the room, and understand that it was me. And…what next? What would they do with it? But the fear was still there.
The longer the war lasts, the more I change. I have fewer fears, I become freer. Now I believe that how they see me is not my problem, but the problem of those people. And if they don’t like me the way they see me, let them go to hell, because I am who I am. I surrendered to my will and I am a snake in accordance with life. If I want to take some, from my point of view, aesthetic pictures, I will take them, because I am interested in it and I need it. This is my creativity and my essence. Someone will say that “my body is my temple”, and I did not build this temple, so I have nothing to be ashamed of.
The only thing you should really be ashamed of is when you pay attention to someone else’s perception of you. The bars in other people’s heads shouldn’t be your bars – let them be theirs.
Ebay, please, stop!
Did I accidentally find this on eBay? No. Was I looking for something similar? Yes. Whose happy with what I found? Yes, if not for the price))
At my job they make fun of the fact that someone makes a living as a webcam model. Well, whatever. Thanks for the inspiration! With every drop of hatred and not accepting something, I build my personality. It came from my parents, who showed that if you want to achieve something in life – do what they thought was stupid. And you will achieve…
No, it’s not about me being a webcam model with this mask. It’s about the fact that you can be anything, the main thing is that you remain and be yourself, and not what someone wants to see you as 🙂
Strange feeling of freedom 2.0
It’s somehow surprisingly easy. I’m used to my openness being a “bell” to the fact that “you can always get dumped,” and now I’m somehow too open. Do I feel something inside?
I have already set a certain “work deadline”, and this is perhaps another such bell to my ears that I should either start some kind of business by winter, or… let’s go back to the plans to “dump it into the sunset”? Now I have a clear understanding that if something doesn’t work out here, there is always a factory somewhere in the Czech Republic waiting for us. Today’s example of work showed that it doesn’t matter where you have to work hard – at the factory for 1.5k euros, or here for 127 euros. So, maybe it’s not so scary after all?..
I notice that I’m waiting for some sign to “break through.” To change something radically. And it would probably be nice to live with the thought that you’re “settled in place,” but it’s brighter to think that everything is still ahead.
I wouldn’t want to live to see the day when they tell me “it’s either this or that – you have no choice.” Because I want it to be.
I can already see that I don’t have enough strength to believe in myself and do something that would bring a normal income. Something stable and understandable. Because it was wrong to think that I would leave with what I have now. I won’t leave. I have never seen eel for sale in my life, and here it is available for 32 euro per kg. But at the same time, people are not ready to pay normal money for the work done. Wonder? Ugh…
I guess I want to invest in creativity. Find people “on the wave.” Who will say “Dude! You’re cool! Come to us, we’ll help you get settled! We need you here!” – and everything will turn around…
So… let’s put the wind in our sails…
Roles
The unpopular opinion was that women do not recognize male weakness because, usually, it is women who have to “pull on their backs” a child, a garden, and also work from above, not to mention household issues. A man, at best, brings home money. Or he also has to be pulled on his hump. Sometimes he does something around the house. Especially if you push him. Two-three-five times. And I encounter these examples all the time. Because it is “standard”. But I try to do my own housework, help someone, now I go to an official job, if possible I help with cooking/cleaning. And I have the right to weakness.
People are different, everyone is unique. I don’t like the world where girls and women carry all the burdens of this world on their “hump”. Starting with “to give birth to a child”, ending with the often encountered physical or moral violence. However, there are social roles for both women and men. And I am glad that I learned to say no to everything that begins with “…you are a man!”. Where necessary – I will be a man. And where I need – I will be myself.
What is needed for friendship?
An interesting question that I don’t have an answer to. What criteria should there be to be friends with someone and are they necessary at all?
I look at people in real life and see that they have fewer parameters or criteria for friendship. In the virtual universe, we limit ourselves to the parameters that we need for interaction. For a person to joke well, be interested in something related to what we are interested in, listen to something more or less similar and… only then do we see the point in interaction?..
Something inside tells you that you have to show something to be interesting to someone. The older you get, the more of a “multi-instrumentalist” you have to be. Jumping above your head? Yes, it’s possible. And in fact…
I think it’s enough to be yourself. And continue to create your own creative world. Creativity is something for which you will either be loved or hated. I have been convinced more than once that the most valuable people are those with whom you are in sync in creativity – when you like what another person does, and they like your creativity. This mutual inspiration gives the greatest “fruits”. I believe that this is how we will find ourselves with the same people 🙂
Sometimes I look at the numbers and see things that I don’t want. In general, these are new sites with almost no views. But I look at Threads, where there are a dozen or so people who don’t interact at all, and I understand that I don’t even need that many. Because the point is not in quantity, but in quality. And it only happens over time. So… let’s create 🙂
Being Sa Crea
Self-identification is something that still haunts me. Because I scroll through various fragments of memories and myself, coming to the conclusion that I have never decided who I am. The post will be divided into several subsections, each of which will be about a certain topic. I guess I just want to somehow “arrange” everything. But will I succeed?..
Physical
Since my youth, I have loved the feeling of something entering me. Yes, yes, we are talking about anal caresses. Starting with the ridiculous – the fear that “you can get pregnant” like that, and ending with stealing condoms from my brother’s bedside table. It seemed to me that I was touching something “adult”. I was very sorry that they were actually enough for one time, but when something that was dressed in a condom entered me – it seemed to me that it was “the same”. Did I imagine then that a man was entering me? No. Did I have any ideas over time that my neighbor was “going inside” me? Yes. We were almost the same age, so it was perceived somehow strange and not at the same time. In fact, the main “sexual partner” for me at that time was… a plunger. A little big, but you don’t choose your lovers, right? 🙂
I had episodes when I stole my neighbors’ (girls) underwear and either put it on or masturbated in it. So this dispels the theory that I was sexually attracted to my gender. Moreover – in addition to sexual perception, I found the very idea of kissing a man disgusting. In a man, I could only be interested in one part of him, which I never sought direct acquaintance with. When my girlfriend and I got our first sex toy – I was secretly happy that “I would finally feel a real penis inside me.” But it wasn’t much different from my “old friend” with a wooden handle. It caused some sadness, so all subsequent attempts to find a “realistic penis” came to the collection of toys that we have. And for the most part, I’m satisfied with the sensations I’ve gotten lately.
I like the feeling that something fills me and stretches me. I also realize that with a strong character – when something fucks you, these are the same feelings when you can be weak. A kind of self-flagellation… with a penis? Exactly. You want everything dirty to come out of you, metaphorically, and you get rid of the negative emotions that were during this period. Can you perceive this as “being filled with something new”? Yes. You want to be filled so that it flows out of you. In every sense…
But I’ve never had sexual contact with men and a real penis. So it’s hard to send me to the bisexual or gay camp so that I can start to identify with them. Would I like such an experience?..time to move on to the next point.
Spiritual
For me, interaction with someone else – no matter what gender, is primarily spiritual. You have to “melt” into someone’s personality. Be a part of it, share thoughts, views on the world. That is, in fact, if I were to uncompromisingly fuck someone – it would be… myself. I mean a person who would have the same self-perception. The same cockroaches. At the same time, I would also not be against such experiences. But this person is something metaphorical, because finding a person who will be spiritually close to you is very difficult. It is even harder to find a person who would share your common views with your wife, so that she would somehow fit into this “puzzle of relationships”, and such an experience would be interesting for everyone. So, probably, there is no such person with whom there would be a desire to have sexual contact, because as one person sang, “sex without love is not interesting to me.” And here we go further.
Love
Is it possible to love another man? In my understanding, gender does not matter, because as another singer said – “we do not have sex with the body. We have sex with the personality.” So, you can also love a personality. What a person is to you. It does not matter how the world perceives him – it is important who this person is to you. Here it is necessary to make a remark – I am very lucky with the relationship that I have now, because I am in a relationship with a person who understands me and understands my perception. This gives me freedom for self-expression, and makes life much easier. That is why I can write these thoughts freely, without fear that something will be perceived “not the way” I would like.
Any clarification of some important things for me in a conversation with other people shows me that I could not be with anyone else. At least because people are simply not able to perceive things that are absolutely familiar to me. Not to mention everything that I wrote here above. But it should be noted that under everything that was said above, you can draw a line. Its thesis will be that I do not perceive sex as sex. That is, I buy games with sexual overtones not in order to engage in “paid masturbation”. I like aesthetics. The emotions that what I see evokes in me. And this aesthetics, again, leads us to the fact that physically you can fuck with anyone. But you will feel the full “filling” of yourself with the body, spirit, and juices of a person only when you are close on a spiritual level. Only at that moment will you get what you would like to try.
Identification
My Sa is an integral part of my personality. But physically (appearance) I am closer to a man than to a woman. So I would not become the person who would want to change gender to be different. But this does not reduce my desire to be part of the “other camp”, which consists of some feminine moments of aesthetics. Clothes, makeup, a little sexual subtext. I like it, and I think that soon I will make new creative experiments. In which I will appear again in an alternative image. In the form of Sa. I am a being who prefers to be myself. Not limited by the framework of sexual or any other self-identification. Because since my youth there is both male and female in me. And I perceive both halves of myself. If ever there were such a person whom you would admire and dissolve in – I probably would not mind if she took possession of me not only spiritually, but also physically. She will have every right to do so. But the further I go, the more I think that this is a very abstract person. Whom one can search for all one’s life.
I don’t know how much of a coincidence this is, but it’s interesting that when we went to flea markets – several times (maybe because of the specifics of the things I was interested in and the fact that my face was not visible in the hood) I was addressed as a girl. And at work, when someone addresses me, the phrase “girls” sounds like I’m not even there. At least in terms of my physical gender. This has become more noticeable over the past year.
So, who do I consider myself to be? I consider myself to be Sa Crea. A being who simply wants to enjoy life, without being distracted by other people’s labels.
Watched The Dress (1996)
The film The Dress, also known as De jurk, is an arthouse project by Dutch director Alex van Warmerdam, who also played one of the main roles in it. Read More
For this world, kindness is the weakest thing you’ll have to pay
I′m a reflection of your design
Each day you paint me as a darker kind..