I’m okay but I’m left to question..

When I dream about someone, I have this tradition of asking about what’s going on in a person’s life. I asked. She gave birth to a child. It’s funny.

In my dream, she invited me somewhere, where I was supposed to come. It felt somehow inspired, or something like that. It’s strange. In any case, I decided to end that communication myself, but it’s not about him or her. I asked myself why I’m so critical of people who are about to give birth or have small children? What exactly is my problem? And…

Here it’s funny again. Because I wouldn’t want to have a child right now. But it’s probably envy. Not exactly envy. I would call it that someone “will have a new toy” and you don’t have it. You don’t need it, but it’s this feeling that someone has it and you don’t (like that game console in childhood) that puts you on another level. That is, these people will share some information that you do not know because you do not have a source of this information. So this information will not be necessary for you. But they will share it with you. And this leads us to the fact that you feel a certain discomfort and dissatisfaction. It is not directed against people who have given birth or are planning to give birth to a child. That is, the reason is not in people, but rather in you. Added to this is your own sad experience on this topic, and therefore it begins to trigger even more than it should. But you cannot do anything about it.

In a sense, I live at a stage where it is easier for me to stop communicating with a person who has or will have small children than to live in a feeling of constant discomfort. It is about something internal. Someone will say that this is about you having to “talk to a therapist”, but I do not want any conversations with a person who has not been in my place, nor do I generally consider myself somehow wrong from this point of view. I just am me. I have my own world, my own life. My own vision of needs and happiness. I’m uncomfortable that I have to hide myself from someone, because “they have children”. Okay, your children were your choice – not mine. Why should I not put something on display at home, or not show it? Or not do something or keep quiet about something?

That’s why I’m like “ah…she has a child. Congratulations. All the best..” – and that’s all I am now.

I don’t get into your life, you shouldn’t get into mine either..