Silence is fear, so…

…don’t hide yourself there?

It’s strange, but no, it’s not strange. It’s funny how things sometimes become triggers. Triggers of discomfort. Unacceptability. Triggers of communication. Thoughts. Closeness. But I know this is the beginning of the end. Because I see the limits. The limits of the freedom I’m given.

I can “mumble” as much as I want about my unmet needs in family relationships, but despite all that, I feel freedom – and I really appreciate it. When it comes to communication – it’s generally about freedom as such. And no, I don’t need conversations about the war. Or mentions of it, because I live in it anyway. But I want to be free, and if there’s something that’s triggered me and I feel the need to say something – I don’t want them to shut my mouth. To ignore the things that bother me. Because it’s important to me. Because I see support in that.

I don’t want to have contacts that are defined by a certain fence that I’m not allowed to enter, because… a person has a different universe, different problems… different unicorns. But why then should I care about those unicorns, but not mine? Are they the wrong breed?..

“I endure what I have the strength to do, I can barely breathe.
Winter is all around, February and January are all around.
Like a news feed in triggers on repeat
Silence is fear.
So don’t hide yourself there…”

I don’t want to explain anything, to tell her. Because it was like the last straw. Because there are things that I didn’t like. But I saw pluses after minuses. But the minuses that I saw back then – they didn’t disappear. I just drew vertical sticks to them…