Emptiness Machine..
Saint Creature I ask myself – what went wrong last time? And I think that there was still some hope then. Hope that you can find a path that will lead you to something good. But in the reality we find ourselves in – any hope is useless. It is useless to think about a quick end to the war, it is useless to think that in your country the minimum wage (which is paid in most companies) will become such that it will allow you to at least exist, not live. Because is it easy to survive on 120 euros a month? I don’t think so…
All I want is to work at a normal job, get paid for it, and not think about anything else. I don’t mind working according to the schedule and working overtime (if necessary), I can do a lot with my hands, and I think that in time it will be useful wherever I end up.
Am I sad to leave the house and the new garden that we planted this spring? Yes. It eats me up again, just like last time. Things you’ve already made in the house, tools you’ve been collecting all your life. You understand that you can take all this with you. The best option is to move it all over time. But that’s over time. And at the same time, I understand that as it is now, I can’t continue living. Simply because this is a path to nowhere. I’m not sure that after a few years of living in the same rhythm, I won’t give up and just disappear, because I won’t see any prospects.
As before, I know that one person would be enough for me. Someone who would help me get used to a new place, help me find a job. That’s all I need, so as not to just go into the void. Because I have enough emptiness here…
