Isn’t that too radical?
Saint Creature My inner punk rejoices in moments like these… Read More
We are in the noise of thousands of voices…
..Finding forever one’s.. Read More
Retro (Contra)
I would like to write briefly “who knows, that knows”, but maybe I’ll explain.
In my childhood there was a console, mostly known as Nes. It has game “Contra”. If you enter “up up, down down, back forward, back forward, B A, Start” on the title screen, you will get thirty lives in the game. This is also known as the “Konami code”.
I’ve been carrying this project in my head for several days, but I still haven’t found the time (or the opportunity, because of the shelling) to paint my nails. What’s more interesting – yesterday there was a heavy shelling that destroyed the local police station. So… apparently this work has found another, deeper meaning – right now, we all need those same “extra thirty lives”. It doesn’t matter, saved or not lost.
Recently, a person told me that he wants to think less about the war. To have less “war” in his life. In fact, that’s where our paths diverged. Because I don’t want to be silent about what surrounds me. I want to bring my own meanings to it, but if there is no war for her – ok. Because I live in it. So, in fact, there is no me for her.
Changes
Unnoticeably to myself, I have become too cautious. I no longer make sudden purchases or gifts. Everything is weighed. Measured. I don’t buy things because I “just like them,” but I really consider whether I can afford to pay, for example, $25 for a router. Is that too much? I plan to pay the router itself, which costs $62, in installments, with the understanding that now, this previously ridiculous amount, is becoming unaffordable for me. Maybe until spring. Maybe until we can work at full capacity again, but not yet.
It’s funny, but I even have a budget divided by income. What I spend on expensive goods and what on cheaper ones, even those that will bring more income. I have to check every penny so that one thing matches the other. I plan to heat the house with firewood for at least a couple of months in the winter to save those $166 on gas (although almost the same $166 were spent on firewood). And this savings is in many ways.
The other day I was surprised how many alcohol bottles were in the garbage bag. It is clear that it is not “for a month” or even a year, but it is a fact. You look and understand how much money is spent, including on such nonsense. But if you do not smoke (hello 100 UAH per pack per day/two), it is not scary to drink something 1-2 times a week. Is it scary?..mich gerh laughs at me during these thoughts, because well…because.
Even in the creative realm, it’s a funny moment right now – every time I go to wash, I shave a separate part. Hoping that the day will come, and “after finishing everything else, I’ll go and photograph myself again.” I want that. To do dark things, illuminating them in photos. Sounds good, doesn’t it?..
It’s three o’clock again. Time to sleep…
I’m the leader of my demons in my head today (Oh yeah, oh yeah)..
…At night, I drink until I feel them slowly float away (Oh yeah, oh yeah)…
So hit me when I’m sore..
Few artists make me roar when I hear something so great. But…they did it. Twice.
Give me this stick, this heart and his pants – and no one will get hurt…
“Everybody’s talking about it
Makes it pretty hard to doubt it
Need a minute but I’m surrounded
Friends are coming at me like vultures
How come nobody ever told ya?
I wouldn’t show your face ’til it’s over
But I’ve been here before
So hit me when I’m sore (I’m sore).”
Always Remember..
..who you are..
I painted white stripes, and on them letters. I wanted these strokes to resemble an old fence, on which someone had painted new letters. In general, it would be ideal to apply another layer of white on top of the letters, but I’m afraid that would ruin everything. I need to learn..
For the future
Let go of the past, learn not to cling to people and memories that, like chains, pull you back, chaining you to the foundation. Stop thinking about other people’s problems as your own. Stop trying to make everyone’s life better, including those who are not close to you emotionally. Stop trying to take part in everything you can “get into”. Stop missing things you can never do again and places you can never visit again.
Not thinking about what could have been different or better in this or that place. Going towards the goal, no matter how difficult it may be. Not stopping in the search for a place that will become your home until the last day. A place that you will always want to return to.
Find a job that you will do and get income from it. Do only what you want and think is necessary. Live and look without looking back at your past life. Do everything that you were afraid of and that previously seemed strange and wrong to you. Believe in yourself and that each coming year will be better than the last.
I don’t remember when exactly I wrote this. Or when I lost hope of returning from where I served. Or after a suicide attempt. Or at some other time. But I wrote them to give myself advice on how to continue living. What rules to follow. What path to take. It’s interesting that the last paragraph came true first of all. I think the rest will also happen…
Personal Je
I thought about it. I haven’t written letters for about 25 years. It was the first in so many years. Paper. Read More
Cherchez la femme
Je suis obsédé par les femmes, même si je devrais l’être par les hommes.
The stupidest thing is to seek salvation from one woman in another. Even if it’s virtual and imaginary. The only salvation in a woman is in myself, in my other half, in creativity. But I was too busy with work and closing the main debt of my life right now – and it wasn’t up to that.
I think I should pay less attention to women. Any. Men too, probably, but that’s something else. You know, when you’re successful, certain people start to join you. Or rather, they try to join. They give you their money, try to become a part of what you are. To snatch a piece of you. Don’t take it literally, it’s not about me or the story of my life. I just feel that I now have that core. There is a strong foundation that moves this whole mechanism further. I’m becoming more and more visible in the place where I am. I don’t really like it, because there’s less time left for my own things. But something has to feed me – and this is it.
I need contact, but limited. And what’s funnier is that now I understand that any communication can easily become “mine”. That is, I can start communicating freely with anyone. But do I need it? People take up too much time, and that’s why I don’t always find time to answer Aaron right away. I’m sad about it, because I allocate a separate place for him in my life. Like others who read this blog. I just know that they exist (ha-ha, statistics don’t lie. Just kidding). I love you all, and you are my core. Because you are here. With me. You see me, thoughts, creativity. And I thank you for that.
Today I received a mount for the background and immediately lost the desire to throw it on sale. Something like 17 dollars for a thing that costs about 70 in the store. I wouldn’t give 70 for creativity, but 17 is quite normal.
Over time, I will get myself a full-frame Sony of the old model. Without a touch screen, electronic shutter. I want to feel this camera. This system. Understand it, as I once met Panasonic and understood it – my beloved GX7. It was not my first camera from Panasonic, but it was he who made me fall in love with this system. I am not sure that I will ever be able to give up Panasonic and its filters. But I want to try Sony. Was it for nothing that I once thought that they were the same company?)))
Sony is like a sub-part of Panasonic, or Panasonic as a cheaper line of Sony. Funny.
I love you, friends. And I am not talking about cameras now 😉