Sometimes certain things in my head come together into a composition that is mostly understandable only to me.
At one time I had a triptych on the theme of Tchaikovska . Now…
It’s funny, but this diptych came about because of the person that triptych was about. So is this a pattern? Or what?…let’s get back to the point.
The first piece was “Flock”, by Kryhitka:
“The goal was not achieved. We are the cities burned to the ground.Wehave not been polite for a hundred years.”
God forbid,start everything from a clean slate, all sidesof it are dark. ”
And the other day I came across a new song by Monokate (solo project of vocalist Go_A) – You Smell:
Not with an answer, but rather with a continuation of the thought:
“And dark waves from the head
will fall on the shoulders
And no matter how much you look at it,
The emptiness is frightening.
And I give you the world
Where everyone will know
That you left your mark on me
And I was able to fly.”
I often try something on myself. Sayings, thoughts. Character traits and thinking, probably. I wanted to call it all “Dark Emptiness,” but emptiness cannot have colour.
In Kingdom (a series by von Trier), there was a character who was given some poison to drink that was supposed to turn him into a “zombie.” And after that, the character didn’t die, but he really started acting like a half-dead person. Do I ask myself what was the price of my coming back here? A year ago…maybe I would have liked something more mystical. That it was. But my certain atheism says that it’s all made up. So it’s hard to believe in something you haven’t seen. So…
Was I “lighter” before? I don’t think so. I just have a reason to consider myself darker than ever. I still help someone without asking for rewards. I still fall in love with people I shouldn’t. I get attached to them. Yes, without a doubt, there is a certain “black hole” in me, but I’m afraid that it is more chronic than “came about because of”. It’s just that a year ago I was ready to bet everything. And I did it. My bet won. Theirs didn’t. Because the emptiness in me turned out to be greater than in them. Those who made the decision. Because a year ago I “didn’t care” more about my life than they would take the risks that would be associated with it if I were sent back.
It’s sad for people who have something to lose. Because they always have something to hold on to. Which makes them weak. Strong at other times, but generally weak. It could be children or something like that. It’s harder for them to make a choice. I… I guess I live for one day. Let it be tomorrow, but not the day after tomorrow. Because it’s easier that way.
Discover more from And..
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.