Saint Creature

Small creative works

I have never perceived blog posts as something big. Quite the opposite. When you start a new blog (and I still remember how it happened with my other blog, more than 10 years ago), you think “okay. This is a post. But it’s only one. Who will be interested in one post? There should be many of them! Only then will everyone find something of their own! And will come back to you”. But now I have thought about the fact that each such post is a big job. This is a great achievement. This is something that already exists and will exist in this world, and over time people will return to it. If it is useful. And this is what happens with my old blog, where people read articles that were written several years ago and became relevant right now, during the power outage.

Each article is a big job. Even if it is written in a hurry – the main thing is the meaning that you put into it. And a successfully written article can make your blog famous like some famous song that has resonated in the hearts of many. So don’t underestimate each individual post.

It smelled of death…

People around me feel death. People call me and talk about death. People talk to me and talk about death. My outlook became darker, and reality became such that I would give a 75 percent that we won’t survive if we don’t go somewhere, and a 25 percent that we’ll make it to the end of the war in the way we are. Because the shelling has become more frequent and more accurate than in the days… when there weren’t any? Exactly. Any shell, drone, bomb – will destroy a house and, more likely, us with it. This is a fact. Dry, but a fact. I thought that I should pay for hosting at least for a year so that the person wouldn’t send me that game for a link to the site in vain, because… reality was getting darker.

When I put on a dress or a wig, I think about what if it arrived now, that’s exactly how they’d find me. I don’t care. As they will. Just a fact. Is it interesting to read a blog when every post could be the last? Does it feel more alive in that case?

Burger Kings

One of our family hobbies is making burgers. We always change or add something to achieve “the same taste” that you get when you visit a burger joint.

Sometimes we forget to add something (like pickles, which we may not have), sometimes we choose a different meat (not a freshly made patty). This time we took ready-made buns, spread ketchup on the bottom half, then a freshly made chicken minced meat patty (we made the minced meat ourselves), fried on an electric grill. Then fresh onions, pickles that we marinated ourselves, and a few slices of Cheddar cheese. All this is covered with the top half of the bun and put in the oven under the grill with convection.

This time the taste was already quite close to what you get in special establishments. I would say that it was about 85-90 percent “the same”.

Who knows, maybe one day we’ll open a burger joint on wheels? Maybe. Who knows… 🙂

Dressed to kill pt.2

The other day we received some really adorable work pants. With one thing in mind – they are…feminine. What does that say? Well…it’s not convenient to fasten the button, they’re low-cut, plus they have a floral print. It all looks something like…this:

And here’s this magical print:

They are comfortable, they fit like they were made for me. Do things have a gender? I don’t care.

I have a pretty dirty job, and I want to diversify it. I want people to see not a man with a cigarette in his mouth and a smell of sweat from a mile away. Let me be strange. Let me be funny. But I want to be different. I want to be someone who will be perceived positively from the moment they meet. Because it’s about service. You should bring people joy, not a feeling that makes you want to wash yourself three times after meeting a person.

I like these pants and I can’t wait to work in them in the spring. They are thin enough to do it in them now 🙂

Debt

Despite all the “vile” (phantom?) luxury, we are going through hard times. Because in one place it may seem that we can afford everything, but to pay for what I can earn quick money on – I will go into credit debts. Just knowing that today it is a debt – tomorrow earnings. From a psychological point of view it is difficult, because every time you spoil your nerves by always owing something to someone. On the other hand, sometimes there is simply no other way.

I used to constantly do what I could get into debt one month, and get out of it the next. Because I always knew what I could earn. It was my only talent – to know the price of certain things. That is why I was interested in everything. Because everything has its price. And sometimes, everyone also has its price. Isn’t it interesting how much a human soul costs? How much someone’s honesty costs? How much someone’s truth costs?

To find out, I also got into debt. And now I’m trying with all my might to get out of one.

I let people go easily.

There is a type of people I easily let go of. Here she is. She lives near Lutsk. Is that a sin? No. We lived there ourselves. Not far away…she goes to Slovakia – is that a sin? No…it’s not about that. It’s just that fragment that was in the last letter from one of the platforms she writes on. She writes on a russian-language blog site – is that a sin? Yes.

At such moments, I get the feeling that Western Ukraine is really a “separate world” where there is no war, so… is it possible to write on an enemy site where every 4.5 out of 5 people want you dead? Yes… probably. Because people from the “peaceful world” are like goldfish. They don’t remember for long why they left their country at the beginning of the war. And it’s convenient now to wander off to Slovakia, or Germany, or somewhere else to “distract” themselves from this war.

There was once a game called Dr. Mario. In my childhood, we played it on an old game console, which was an analogue of the Nes. The picture was black and white, and there you had to destroy microbes. White, yellow and red. In monochrome, white and yellow were like one colour, barely distinguishable if you look closely. And here is the feeling that for this person there is a war in monochrome.It exists – but you can also write. Because “the war is somewhere out there…”

Watched Gangs of New York (2002)

It’s strange to watch a movie that’s almost as old as you are. You immediately replay in your head how old you were then, what you had in your life, what events happened at that time. In about the same way, you watch a movie and try to understand exactly how and what people lived in those times.

The issue of migration is always controversial, especially among indigenous people. All this leads to wars and the distribution of power in different territories. This is what Martin Scorsese’s film Gangs of New York is about. I don’t want to retell the plot and mention the characters, let’s just go through the feelings. This is the same film that the two of us have not watched yet, so it was all the more interesting to find out what exactly caused such delight in people that the film received so many awards.

In most cases, the list of actors’ names can tell you what kind of movie you’re going to watch. And if you pay attention to who was in the movie – we can safely say that the movie simply could not fail, at least with a lot of famous names. But what is hidden behind them?

The story is quite familiar, when a child’s father is killed and she plans to take revenge. This is not the first and not the last time that from the beginning of the film you understand how it will end. But the plot unfolds, and it begins to seem to you that everything will not be as it seemed. You even make theories about who will be “the one” who will turn history in their favor and write it. But…

Something starts to go wrong around the second half of the film. When the cards are open, you understand who is who and what his goals are, but, more importantly, the characters know the same thing. And here you are faced with stupidity that is impossible to forgive. Why? Well… because. Half the film shows us a character who lives by principles. He talks about how he “never killed honest people, except…” – but… At another moment, he begins to sharply hate the person whom a few minutes ago he praised and exalted to heaven. And you have a certain dissonance – how is that? What is the character’s worldview based on, if at one moment he says and does one thing, and at another it changes so much that it becomes difficult for you to understand “what was that?” – the first half of the film.

The main three actors (although half of the list is famous names) played the first half of the film wonderfully, and… surprisingly the second. There are certain elements of romance that are not revealed. There are certain elements of friendship that are destroyed. And in general, if you think about it, the whole film is about everyone being shit. Some are just because they were born that way, and others – because they think it’s easier to live in this world that way.

The film was interesting to watch for almost three hours. But there are few reasons why I could recommend it. It is no worse than similar films, but is it better?..

Hell

When we arrived at our unit, we were greeted by the sign above the entrance “Welcome to Hell.”

Sometimes it seems to me that my life is going to hell, although I hear a machine-gun fire outside the window, an explosion from a shot down target or an incoming flight, and I understand that life cannot go where it already is. So… is it so scary to die with debts? I think not. It’s unpleasant, but not fatal. I try to solve all the issues at the same time. The bank reports “strange things with my account,” and sometimes I’m left wondering – which will come first, a house arrest or card blocking? Oh…

As for someone who wanted to finish the year without debts and loans – I took on (too) big a burden, which I have to somehow bear. I need to somehow survive these two months, not burn out in all this (I mean in employment), take it all out and emerge victorious. And I believe that it will be easier for me from spring, because there will be a full-time job, I will be able to fully establish myself and… I still have to reach it. In every sense.

I made a big bet. I actually bet everything on the idea that I would be a chimney sweep. They asked me, “Sa, what are you sure about?” and I answered – on what I do physically. Because that’s the only thing that’s real. Only what you do with your hands, they can’t take away from you. Because you do it yourself. With these same hands. And I believed in this idea so much that we had Zhuzhik. In fact, for the last savings. Another scrap of savings went to a lithium battery for him, which hasn’t arrived yet. It’s funny, but it can cost almost half of its cost.

We will have almost no work in the winter, so you shouldn’t expect me to take anything out in the winter. Yes, a couple of jobs may happen. But this is not something that will save my financial situation. Something that will save it a little – I do it anyway. As much as I can afford it.

I need a person, but right now they are not in my environment. I say to myself “oh… there is this one” – but I catch myself thinking that this or that one will not give me right now what I need from him or her. Those who are there need my attention themselves, not the other way around. And I want some kind of support, or a physical presence. I would like to find a “ghost person” – someone to share music with. Someone with whom we could run into something via Steam, three or four of us. A living person, not that’s all. But I don’t have the resources right now to think about it right away. I’m even afraid to write to a local group about whether there are even such “dinosaurs” like us who play something cooperative at 30+ years old. Although… I finally took a risk. Let’s see…